Wow this was me in the fall. Over the summer I met a guy. He was totally different from any other guy I had been with before…I was totally comfortable around, he made me look in new ways…I loved being around him. It was like we were together for so much longer than we really were. He was a few years older and the night we said goodbye was so hard. We would be 5 hours away and busy with school and work but agreed to try and make it work. About 3 almost 4 weeks later my friend and I went to the town where he went to school to do this 5k and see him. We stayed at his house and right away I noticed how distant he was…there was nothing physical at all which was totally different from how it was over the summer. Not how you want that reunion to be at all. That Monday I texted him asking what was wrong and he said he had started talking with his ex again and that him and I would be better off as friends…I was devastated. It might have been coupled with the fact of being away at school for the first time but I started smoking weed, binge drinking, sleeping around…anything to mask how upset I was. I updated my phone and lost all my contact names but had numbers. I knew his by heart still but still sent him the text saying what happened, asking who’s number it was…no response. Cue even more devastation. Also in this time frame my best friend walked out with no explanation. So I had a lot going on. I remember one day going to bed, reflecting on the day and realizing I hadn’t thought of him all day. I eventually met a new guy (didn’t work out), stopped smoking, drinking all the time and sleeping around.

It sucks what happened. But you aren’t the first and the last person this will happen to. Take comfort in the fact that your aren’t the first person to go through this. There is no set time limit on how long it will take to get over him…you may not ever fully be over him. You’ll always remember the things he showed you, the doors he opened up for you, how he made you feel…allow yourself to feel his loss. But you were doing just fine before him. And although it nay not seem like it, you’re still doing fine. You’ve already made it so far. You’re taking care of health, which is good. Focus on yourself, making you the best you. Eat healthy, work out, try your best, focus on the good each day brings not the bad and the rest will follow. Life isn’t supposed to be a flat journey. What fun would that be? This guy made you feel highs you’ve never felt before…but he won’t be the last. When the time is right, it will happen. I found myself on Pinterest a lot, reading all kinds of quotes. One that stood out to me in that time was “There are people who can walk away from you…let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you…Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over…”.

A few months ago on break I randomly stopped at Target at 830pm to see if they had a headband I wanted. Almost didn’t bother going. They didn’t have what I wanted but when I was checking out I saw him there. We said hi, he gave me his number and told me to text him, which I did. I almost didn’t because I didn’t want to go down that road again. We hung out twice, nothing happened. I felt like he still had feelings but who knows. He messaged me a happy birthday after I didn’t wish him one and I would feel comfortable messaging him over the summer to meet up. The universe has a funny way of making things happen. Just focus on the fact that things will happen at the exact moment they are supposed to. In the meantime, focus on you and only for you. It seems hard now but months from now you’ll look back on this and will be shocked at how far you’ve grown from the bad place you’re at now.

In high school I suffered from eating disorder but eventually got better. When I left for college, I weighed 120 pounds and was 5’6. At that weight, I drank large coffees from Dunkin filled with sugar, all kinds of unhealthy food. But I could still wear my size 0 jeans. When I went away to college, in semester, through binge eating on junk food, super unhealthy dining hall food, not having dance in my life anymore and binge drinking at least 2 times a week, I gained 17 pounds. When I went to the doctor in December and saw that number I was shocked. I knew I had gained weight. None of my jeans fit, I felt disgusting. All I wanted to do was cry. All those old thoughts I used to have returned. The first thought I had was to not eat for the rest of the day. When I would eat, I had to battle the urge to make myself throw up. I hated who I’d let myself become. I transferred in the spring and made it my mission to lose those pounds. I started calorie counting to lose weight but with a healthy weight loss goal. I stated eating more fruit, eating salads for lunch. I don’t drink anywhere close to how I used to. I joined a Zumba class and aim to go to the gym 3 times a week. Sometimes I can do more, sometimes less. I feel so much healthier. Even then when I was 120 pounds. Do I still have moments where I hate how big my hips look or how my stomach isn’t perfectly flat? Of course. But when I do, I try to remember how I’m doing the best I can. Although there are things I want to change, I can honestly say that I’m happy with how I look. I totally get not liking the focusing on what you like. I don’t like that either. I could say to tell you that you can dye your hair, use nail strengthening treatments, etc. But that won’t truly help you. You need to stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself. Really look at yourself. Acknowledge everything you hate. For me, I ate my thighs, my stomach, my hips, how my arms aren’t as toned as I want. Be brutally honest. But then focus on the good. Not just physically. For good, I’ll say how I like my eyes or something but I also say how I choose fruit over that piece of cake, or how I made it through the ab portion of Zumba without stopping, how I got a good grade on that test. Anything good. Realize there is so much more to you than your looks. Eat healthy, exercise, be around positive people and the rest will follow.

You’re still young but I’m not that much older than you myself. Anyway my advice would be to decide what it is you would want to happen with this guy. If you truly want a relationship with him, then when you see him smile back and just say hi. Start slow and just talk to the guy. Don’t let his friends bother you. Who cares what they think? But there’s plenty of situations with guys I’ve liked where I’ve been too shy or embarrassed to tell them how I truly feel and when I finally did it was too late. You don’t want to look back later and always ask yourself “what if I had…”. Go after what you want and give it everything you have. You really have nothing to lose. If he likes you then great! If he doesn’t then at least you know and before you know it another guy will one around. If it’e meant to be, then it will be. Best of luck