33 years ago I was engaged to marry the most beautiful woman. 4years we spent together. one day out of nowhere she said she was going to visit her grandmother for a couple weeks. 3months later after regular phone calls to her (she never called me) her grandmother answered the phone and called me by another name. that’s when we broke up. 2 years later she called me on the said she had moved back and wanted to reestablish our relationship she had a 1 year old child from the previous relationship. She persisted until I told her I had moved on and had no wish to be her friend or see her face to face and relive the pain again. I never really gave her much thought after that. I have been married to the same woman for 30 years we own a business together and are with each other 20+ hrs a day and love each other deeply. a couple weeks ago my brother brought her up and all of the hurt the physical pain and the regrets came back very intensely. I researched her history and found she had been married 3 times and had 2 other relationships on top of that and even knowing this I still was unable to release the pain. Day and night I struggled with wanting to contact her and tell her how she broke my heart and try to make her feel the pain I felt which thankfully I didn’t do. i found the more i focus on why i refused to accept her back in my life and how happy i am with my life now and what a disaster my life could have been, the more the pain passes away I truly believe i couldn’t have changed her she will always be looking for a reason to leave. remember first love has a permanent place in your subconscious when that pain resurfaces focus on your goals and the present please dont let the pain control you