Hi SereneWolf,

I know it must be hard.. but it’s surprising that you still have such a good perspective to look at it. I hope your little issues get better so at least you can move and enjoy even the smaller things in the day. And yes being grateful helps a lot. Not sure if you’re religious, but in our religion they say when nothing works, just pray and be grateful.

Thank you for your support! And yes, I am what they call “spiritual but not religious”… so even if I sometimes lose hope and start getting bitter, I always return to gratitude and realign with my deeper faith. And it does help, it makes a big difference for me.

I am sorry for both of your grandparents passing, specially your grandmother whom you felt so close to 🙁 I am really sorry, SereneWolf. Has she been sick recently?

Good to hear that your father has recovered from TB, and hasn’t been aggressive to anyone. Maybe he is changed by both of his parents dying within a relatively short time, and his own sickness… Perhaps him becoming more meek helps you feel less anger towards him (in addition to having processed your anger via journaling and therapy)?

Also, talking about journaling, I was thinking about the feeling of lack, like a scarcity mindset. Maybe that’s why this fear keeps coming back. Because for many years.. I’ve just been trying to survive instead of actually living. Feeling like I don’t have enough time, finances, and stability in jobs. And maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to have a more abundant mindset.

Right, and the title of your thread reflects that same mindset: “Feeling like time is passing too fast”. Not enough time, or rather, feeling that you are behind in achieving major life goals (specially career and money related), even though you were only 26 when you started the thread…

You were very young (and you still are btw), and you had great achievements behind you. And yet, there was always a feeling that you’re not doing enough, that you’re not good enough. Which is your false core belief. And perhaps it’s still active within you?

And then on top of that come the real-life challenges and the world changing in ways that do lead to more scarcity, specially in your field… and it gets magnified. The belief that “I am not good enough” gets magnified. I think this is what’s happening to you now.

I know it from my own example: having a defeatist, pessimistic mindset from the get-go (largely caused by my upbringing), and then add health challenges and physical limitations to that – and it gets magnified. The sense that “I am doomed” and “I will never make it” gets magnified. And it’s very hard to resist such thinking, because there is so much “evidence” for it…

I mean, in a broader sense, layoffs and all that are already sad and crazy, but even media and people are changing. You see more AI written posts, similar AI images and videos. Like where’s the human made art and content? Bring that back! It actually breaks my heart that a whole generation prefers the easy route, just telling AI what to do and accepting average answers. Like getting some help if it makes your things easier or faster that’s okay but even opinions feel AI generated now. People don’t want to think critically or put in effort. That part worries me more.

This is so well put, SereneWolf. People don’t want to think, they use AI to formulate and even verbalize their opinions. When AI is used for communication – that’s what I find worrying. And as you say, the disappearance of human made art and content – that too is such a loss for humanity.

So yeah, it’s worrying, because as much as AI can be super helpful, it’s a double-edged sword. Specially when fake content is created, e.g. deep fake material used in political campaigns, and you can’t tell anymore what’s true and what is a lie… that’s what I find really concerning. At least AI creators should be obliged to indicate that something is AI generated, and that it be very visible on the video. Anyway, it’s a big problem, and I think it needs more regulation.

Happy to read that you’re getting invited to job interviews! Just remember, you’re one and only. And definitely good enough! 🙂

Hope your plantar fasciitis will resolve over time.. just as a side note: if it needs rest in the acute phase, do rest. Don’t let it turn into a chronic problem! (because trust me, you don’t want anything chronic related to your locomotor system :\ 🙂 )

Dear SereneWolf,

what a nice surprise, so good to hear from you!

My health is not too well, but it’s manageable. There are several chronic issues, which do limit me quite a bit, but the pain is mostly manageable, and I’m grateful for it. I mean, it could be worse… that’s how I comfort myself 🙂 But yeah, it is what it is, and thankfully it’s bearable so far.

Yes, I can definitely say it has made me calmer, less restless, and less jittery. I’m happy to say that I’m sticking to the meditation routine, although I’m not very consistent with physical exercises because of plantar fasciitis. It’s been like 3 months.

Congratulations on sticking to the meditation routine! That’s a big deal. But sorry to hear about plantar fasciitis… I’ve heard about it, didn’t have it myself. Have you tried physical therapy or some other treatment?

I did and I think it’s one of the biggest helpful things. It really helped. I don’t feel resentment anymore, or any kind of anger towards that.

Wow, that’s a big deal too that you don’t feel anger or resentment towards your father anymore. Yes, journaling really helps, it helped me too many times to put my feelings on paper, and then I would usually have some insights about the situation and eventually would feel more peaceful and calm about it. Like I’d gain more clarity, which would help me cope better.

How is your father these days? Has he recovered from TB?

With all these wars increasing, AI taking jobs and worsening the market, housing crisis… the optimistic side of me is losing hope. It feels like life is getting harder and harder. Relationships feel harder to find too. Does it actually get better? Just two decades ago, getting your own house with a good-paying job wasn’t just a dream, it was a reality. And now, when it’s my time, it feels so hard. I’m just having doubts… why does it have to be this hard now.. Why the world is going downhill.

I hear you, SereneWolf. Unfortunately, the world is in a rather precarious situation right now. And it seems it’s happening due to a poor, not well thought-through decision of one man… which is now causing global consequences.

It saddens me and worries me that things have come so far, and that “might is right” is the new norm. :\

I hope it’s only for a season though, and that there will be a big awakening down the line. Only the question is at what cost…

As for AI, I hear you too. I’ve just read that Oracle has laid off thousands of employees, as AI is taking over their jobs. This trend is affecting everyone, but it seems especially those working in the IT industry. So I can imagine it hasn’t been easy for you… How has it been with the job search, if you don’t mind sharing?

In any case, I agree, the direction the world is taking at the moment is not a good one. But I think that now more than ever we need to be our true selves, live our unique gifts and talents. Because that’s something AI cannot beat. At least that’s how I see it.

You cannot be replaced, SereneWolf. Your true gifts and talents cannot be replaced by a machine. So I’d keep that in mind, rather than worrying about being redundant and losing your job to a machine (if that’s what you worry about).

I know you probably won’t have exact answers, but maybe a better perspective…

You guessed it right, unfortunately I don’t have the answers, and I’m not super optimistic about some of the developments in the world. But those are outer developments… what we need is to get our “inner developments”, our inner world, in order. That’s the only thing we can influence, but I think it’s the most important thing too.

I don’t know if this helped at all?

Dear Alessa,

I am so sorry to hear about your son – do you know what the diagnosis is? Is it some stomach bug?

I can imagine you got really concerned when he couldn’t eat or drink anything, and couldn’t even pee 😕 Good you took him to the ER, and refused to leave until they see him properly. Thank God that the anti-nausea medicine helped, and that he can keep at least liquid down! 🙏

I hope he’s getting stronger with every hour and will recover fully ASAP 🙏

Rooting for you and your son, Alessa! ❤️ 🙏

Dear Anita,

I’m glad the over-the-counter pills with antibacterial properties are working for you, and your symptoms are subsiding. That’s very good news! 👍 🙏

I will take your suggestion that the adult me will be positively supportive of LGA as she expresses herself.
I want to do a LGA expression exercise with the adult-self present to carry and soothe LGA.

That was a powerful exercise, Anita, and you’ve uncovered an older (perhaps a teenager?) version of yourself. GA felt the need to take care of her mother, since her mother sounded so helpless and fragile:

I had to be a big girl because I had to take care of mother. Someone had to.
Only she wouldn’t let me.

Yes, her mother wouldn’t let her… and I think it’s because her mother wasn’t actually helpless and fragile – she only used her victim persona to guilt-trip and weaken GA. In other words, it was all an act. 😕

I’d like to ask how did this exercise make you feel, Anita? Because the goal is to feel better afterwards (e.g. feeling more empowered, or feeling more love for yourself, or having more clarity, etc) than before. If you feel more overwhelmed and scared (I feel scared. I feel overwhelmed.), that’s not really the goal…

If you feel this format isn’t working for you optimally, I might have some ideas of how to adjust it, but I’d like to hear your feedback first…

How is Bogart doing? 🐾 😊 Did he start to accompany you on your walks?

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Dear Anita,

I am glad you did! And I agree, it’s unpleasant to have tension in relationships, and better avoid tension. But sometimes it’d be wrong to not address wrong things that people say or do.

Thank you, Anita! Yes, I felt that since a certain negative attitude (putting people down for showing empathy and care for others, or for having a different opinion) was being repeated again and again, it needed to be addressed. Because perhaps someone who is reading might start believing that it is indeed an expression of the ego to show care and empathy for others. They might start doubting themselves.

And also, someone who is reading might believe that it’s kindness not to say anything if someone is berating you, that it shows emotional maturity. But silence often invites more abuse, because a rude person is usually emboldened when faced with no resistance. They might even accuse you of being in the ego if you confront them… that’s the trick they use to try to silence you.

So anyway, silence is not always golden. That’s why I felt the need to speak up…

Thank you for noticing things and asking. Yes, I’ve been expressing fear of her but the dissociation during childhood and onward was so pervasive and long term that there’s just so much to EX-press, to undo the suppression or repression.

Expression is not a one-time event or a 10- times-event, it’s ongoing.

I don’t know how much you remember of your childhood, but if I played all my memories of childhood and adolescence like in a movie, I think it’d be an hour movie at the most, maybe 10 minutes, I am not sure. There are moments I remember, and so much that I don’t. I think it’s called childhood amnesia.

Does this help you understand, Tee?

Yes, I understand your need to express, and please keep doing so if it brings you relief. Perhaps by expressing you’re also remembering more of the things that happened, that you as a child might have suppressed (as a means of self-protection) and that now need to be looked at and processed.

My only suggestion is that if you’re expressing from your inner child (LGA), to also have your adult self present, to “carry” her and soothe her, so that LGA wouldn’t feel overwhelmed and helpless again. LGA should feel like it has a healthy adult support now (you being in the role of a good parent), unlike in the past when she felt all alone.

I think that’s how you can safely express and still not be pulled into the old feelings of fear, helplessness etc. Basically, to give LGA a container (a loving, listening ear) to safely express everything she feared to express in her childhood and beyond. If that makes sense?

As I read my own words just now (and thank you for caring to bring them up), I felt some elevated tension in my body, on one hand, but on the other, I felt removed from those words, as in being passed those thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I processed/ expressed those enough to let them go.

Perhaps you feel a little disconnected from those sentiments at the moment, or they might have really lessened. I guess with time you’ll see if something similar comes up. But I think you’ll know then that it’s the remnant of your inner child’s old programming (to feel sorry for your mother and to feel the urge to rescue her). And so you’ll know how to handle it, if it ever becomes active again…

I’m afraid I need to get antibiotics. I hope it doesn’t require a visit to a doctor!

Yeah, sometimes antibiotics are the best route, because if it’s bacterial infection, nothing else beats that. I’d suspect you’d need to see a doctor for it, although it’s a pretty common problem and perhaps you’d get a prescription even without going for a checkup…?

I had a pattern, I say I HAD, but it’s been up to very recently- that of submitting (people pleasing) on one hand and rebelling against my own pattern of submission and either becoming somewhat aggressive or just withdrawing.

It’s been either I am less than you (and I therefore submit), or I rebel against my self-imposed inferiority and get 😠

The middle way is doing neither, starting with never submitting, never accepting a position of inferiority, nor volunteering one.

And then extending the value of EQUALITY to everyone: I am no less than you; you are no less than me.

This is such a great insight, Anita! When we feel neither superior nor inferior, but equal to others, it allows us to respect both ourselves and others. And so we don’t fall for the trap of people-pleasing, submitting and then resenting it.

So yeah, that’s a great New Year resolution: Never Again Submit, Never Again people-please, but be unapologetically authentic and honest, guided by the Principle: I am no less than you; You are no less than me. AMEN.

Yes, Amen to that!

I am reclaiming my childhood innocence, my 💯 love and good will for her as her daughter.

She used to tell me that she was the best mother in the world and that I. being B.A.D, didn’t deserve her. It was a lie, a false message. I was the best daughter a bad mother could have had.

Amen to that as well! 💪 😊 🤍

Take good care of yourself, Tee, you deserve the best care!

Thank you, Anita, I’m trying my best!

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Hi Thomas,

Sorry, for me, everything is a learning experience.

Good attitude, Thomas! We can indeed learn from everything, even the most painful experiences (although it doesn’t mean that those lessons are easy and that we aren’t suffering a great deal…).

I’ve heard of a good way to reframe our difficult experiences: instead of asking “why is this happening to me?”, to ask “why is this happening for me?”

This helps us not to stay stuck in the victim mentality, but to try to draw a lesson from it, perhaps learn something about ourselves and our own limitations, and eventually become a better (or rather, more whole, more healed) person as a result.

I am so glad you enjoyed the story.
I hope you share it with others and it brings a smile or two.

Yes, I will, it’s a good one! 👍 Thank you, Thomas!

Hi Peter,

thank you for your comments and contemplation about the Zen story: yes, I also feel there is a deeper message there.

The traveling monk assumed positive things about the disciple and interpreted his reactions as a sign of wisdom. He interpreted even a clenched fist as a symbol of oneness. Whereas the disciple interpreted the monk’s benevolent reactions as offense, and got angry with him.

The traveler was humbled by what he experienced as a profound insight. The disciple was inflamed by what he believed was mockery. Two egos, two illusions, one puffed up, one wounded.

Yes, perhaps we can say that the traveling monk was more open to self-reflection and used the interaction to see his own (real or perceived) limitations.

Whereas the disciple was quick to make assumptions – unfavorable assumptions – about the monk, feeling attacked and reacting with anger. He didn’t stop to self-reflect, but blamed the monk for his internal discomfort, even if the monk had no bad intention towards him.

So I see it as one party willing to self-reflect, the other not. And perhaps there is another lesson beyond that, which I believe you’re hinting at: that the monk has low self-esteem (you said: wounded). And that because of that, he saw only himself as the faulty one, the ignorant one, while not recognizing the unbalanced behavior (anger) of the disciple. So perhaps having a somewhat skewed perspective, judging himself too harshly, while overlooking the other person’s bad behavior.

Okay, perhaps I’m reading too much into it 🙂 But in any case, I find it a deep and multifaceted story (and funny too! 😊).

Thank you Thomas for sharing it, and Peter for further expanding on it! 🙏