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thatssoelsie

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  • #384910
    thatssoelsie
    Participant

    @TeaK

    Thank you Teak for taking your time to help me out.

    But yes it makes me wonder his intensions on why he hides me, is he trying to keep his options open with other women and with hiding his relationship status it is obviously much easier to do that. Is he embarrassed of me because I might not be the type of person physically they expect him to be with… or not sure what else it could be, because I know he’s mentioned to me in the past has taken his ex to his job before… unless he was lying about that too.

    “How does he treat you otherwise? Is he judgmental, condescending, disrespectful? Does he act like he is superior to you and is criticizing you a lot?”

    In regards to your questions, no he’s actually none of the above. Its just his job we have an issue with.

    Sometimes I’ll even tell him Im going to stop by just to get a reaction out of him and he says things like “its out of the way why drive there.” Or “Its not like we can even talk if you go, Ill be busy working.” Its never excitement.

    #384909
    thatssoelsie
    Participant

    @anita

    Thank you again Anita for taking the time to read and reply to my dilemma. But yes I agree with everything you pointed out. To answer your previous post he works as a bartender for a hotel so there is always down time in between to chat with other coworkers. Some of the texts Ive seen include calling him pet names like (honey, baby, etc…) some even calling him their work husband, and it bothers me since some are on his days off and even after he is off work at night. Like I mentioned earlier I know he is not cheating, but those conversations make me uncomfortable because if thats whats going on through text, it makes me wonder what other type of flirting can be going on in person. I don’t want to blame the coworkers since it is not their fault,  he is the one that doesn’t mention me and doesn’t give me my place with the other women. I just don’t know what to do moving forward. Any suggestions?

    Thank you!

     

    #384835
    thatssoelsie
    Participant

    @Teak

    Hello Teak, thank you for your reply.

    Thats the same thing I think, like what is he hiding? Its been 5 years and cant wrap my head around how I haven’t been mentioned once. He works in a place where conversations with coworkers are happening all the time, and not somewhere he is isolated and just focused on work. I know at my job if someone one brings up a restaurant or a place to travel ill say something as simple as “oh yeah me and my boyfriend have been there too”.

    I feel the same way, not respected. Right now he says “Im not hiding you; Im just don’t bring up my personal life.” But I just wonder what his response is if someone just straight asks him “Are you single?” will he say yes to avoid talking about me?  I just feel hurt and unappreciated and HIDDEN. Ive thought about showing up to his job, but at this point I would feel like a fool, because I think everyone will be very shocked his been in a 5 year relationship.

    Is this a deal breaker? Or is it worth salvaging for the 5 year sake?

    Xo Thank you.

    #384832
    thatssoelsie
    Participant

    @Anita

    Hi Anita, thank you for your reply.

    Yes his family and friends know about me, but just knowing that Im not acknowledged at his job makes me uncomfortable due to the fact there is not boundaries if others think he is “single”. Im sure that he is not cheating on me with any coworker or any thing of that sort,  but I’m having a hard time being ok with it, and don’t really understand how someone can play off / not mention being in a 5 year relationship. Im just really upset because anyone would like to be shown off  and talked highly about, to others specially from their partners and in this case I feel that Im not worth mentioning.

    What do you think I can do? I cant force him to bring me up & talk about me.

    Should I move on and accept his “private” work life? or how can we find a middle ground?

    Xo Thanks!

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by thatssoelsie.
    #384831
    thatssoelsie
    Participant

    Hi ella_1986,

    I think you should cut ties to anything that is stressing you out or mentally draining you. If you see no future in this “friendship” an share nothing in common now or in the future it is not worth dragging it on and potentially getting worse & harder to cut off down the road.

    Ive been in situations where its hard to cut off a person, but when I did have to, it was a weight off my shoulder.  No need for drama and toxic relationships. Surround yourself with people who have good energy, and keep those around you that make you happy, and a better person 🙂

    Good luck!

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