Dear Adam,

It hurts when you feel as though you are in things together, as a “we” rather than simply a “you.”

It does sound like long term goals got lost in the sauce of the short term stressors. That said, although it is hard to hear or process right now, it is most likely the result of an inability to truly see each other in the process. She may have been lost in her head and in how things affected her (either because she is too immature to see beyond her own scope or because the connection became too strained), while you were lost in the immediacy of your process.

I do know, firsthand, what a terrible feeling it is to be the one who goes through a rough place, only to see that the one you considered your partner can’t see the forest through the trees. Sadly, it is something you may never get back as, even if she does catch a glimpse of your reality when she goes through it, you will still be in different places. Also, it may provide a sneak peek into the way she handles change/challenges.

Wishes for peace and clarity,

jani