I’m on a crossroad in my life and I’m struggling a lot to figure out what I should do.
I live in a country but it has always been a dream of mine to live abroad. Reasons are many but most of all, this call comes from really deep within. It has been there since I was a very small child (I’m 33 now) and it never fades. When an astrologist did my birth chart, I found out that I had all the placements of planets and stars of people who have their homes away from home and when I think about settling down in my own country I feel a sharp pain inside myself. It’s big.

However, all my attempts so far have failed. I have a life story of bad choices coming from lack of self knowledge, depression and struggles with my family that never allowed me to build the strong professional and financial structures that would allow me to get a visa somewhere else. I’m very intelligent and skilled, I speak four languages, I have many abilities but unfortunately it is still not enough. It doesn’t help either that one of my failed attempts (and the closest I get to achieve my dream) also was involved with the end of the most meaningful relationship I’ve ever had and that left me with a lot of trauma.

I spent the last two years struggling on a terrible job to save money to finally make my move. In my country it’s not easy to save money and I had to take a job where I had to work from Monday to Monday, sometimes up to 14 hours a day with no rest during 8 months every time to save. Now, with some money I decided to try again but still the results are not good. I still lack the professional background that would allow me to get the visa. The only chance I have now it’s to move, without a proper visa and then to hope to find a job that would sponsor me. If I find it, great, but if I don’t, that is two years of money saved wasted.

Another dream of mine, just as big as moving away, is to study psychology. If I could have a perfect life, that would be for me to study psychology abroad, but that would depend on getting the visa. The thing is, this money I have been saving would be just enough to pay for University here in my country. One dream is achievable, the other might not be and this is the crossroad I am.

Should I let go of my biggest dream and just stay in my country and at least study? Or should I try to follow what my heart so screams for at all cost (including the risk of a bleak future where I might fail at both dreams?). I have been feeling so tired to have my life on hold for so long. When you are trying to leave, everything in your life is temporary and it hurts not have a proper life. I’m tired of fighting and considering that sometimes giving up is the most mature thing to do but at the same time, all the people out there who achieved their dreams would say I’m in that exactly spot where most people give up, the ones that make the difference about making it though or not.

I know no one can make this decision for me but it’d really help to hear some wise words and point of view from outsiders. For whoever stayed with me until the end of this long topic, thank you so much for your kindness. May you have all this kindness back in your life a thousand times more!