Thank you, this really helped a lot. I was thinking of going this route because I’m learning about the importance of gratitude. He knows I am gay and that I had OCD, and he’s been really supportive in both my treatment and my coming out.

This all cane about again when I was sorting through my sense of loneliness. I realized I feel lonely specifically because I create a separation between me and other people by only focusing on what they have that makes them different from me (a learned behavior from years of being the only gay kid at my school and afraid to come out). And I think my deepest fear, as insane as it is, is the fear that I would be accepted. Because once I accept myself, truly, the painbody and the ego will have nothing to use against me to try and take control. I wont be governed by shame or pain anymore—and I think I’m oddly terrified of it so I think and do things that try to keep me in this area of pain.

I’m working on self acceptance and self love right now, so if you have any further suggestions I’d love to hear it!