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Handling grief in a move

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  • #350144
    Rocco
    Participant

    Hello!

    I am coming to this forum to look for an answer on grief. Recently, I have come to the decision that I am ready to leave my hometown and that I am ready to go out and see the world. I’m very excited by this, because it is something that feels very right. However, I was not expecting the feelings of grief that came right after this decision. I realized that I am going to be moving away from many of the day-to-day connections I value, and (frankly) I’m gonna miss the heck out of them. The struggle I have right now is that I’m not sure where to put this grief. Every time I hang with my friends, if it goes well I get a little sad because I know it’s going to change. Every time I miss a hangout with my friends, I have this little bit of anxiousness because now it feels like one less opportunity to do so. I know that time is somehow covering up my grief, but any advice on where I can move this energy?

    #350146
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rocco:

    “Recently, I have come to the decision that.. I am ready to go out and see the world”- during a pandemic?

    anita

     

    #350150
    Rocco
    Participant

    Haha it does seem inopportune. Once it’s safe to travel again, I’m heading out. I want to go to graduate school and further my education in psychology and spirituality, and I want to travel and see where that place is going to be. Regardless of where, I’m leaving my hometown (which is all I’ve ever known).

    #350178
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rocco:

    “Recently, I have come to the decision that I am ready to leave my hometown and that I am ready to go out and see the world. I am very excited by this, because it is something that feels very right. However.. I am going to be moving away from many of the day-to-day connections I value.. where to put this grief”-

    – you decided to leave your hometown and travel the world; you made a decision, you didn’t make a plan yet as to how to practically put this decision into action. And yet, you fast forwarded your thoughts and feelings to match an action you didn’t plan yet.

    You are “ready to go out and see the world”, but the world is not ready for you. There are travel restrictions and nobody knows how long these will last, when these restrictions will be lifted and then reinstated; where there will be spikes of the pandemic and new restrictions established. Because a vaccine being readily available to the world is estimated to be in two years, 2022, I would postpone the idea of traveling the world to 2022.

    Regarding going to graduate school, when schools open you will be able to actually go to school vs. online. Are you thinking of going to graduate school before or after traveling?

    anita

     

    #350282
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rocco,

    Life is change. While you’re waiting to leave your hometown, guess what? Your friends will also leave. Some well before you. One will go to grad school this year. One will move to Europe next year. One will get married and move the next town over. One will get a great job but you will never see them. The last friend will have a baby who will monopolize their time.

    But wait! There’s more! Your pets will die, your parents will divorce/move/remarry. Even your little siblings/cousins will get into college and study far away. Your favorite bars/clubs/restaurants will go out of business. Grandparents will die.

    Everyone is already on their Hero’s Journey. They are not static characters in the background of your life.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by Inky.
    #357042
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Congratualtions on making this decision and opening a new chapter. You are opening to door to new opportunities for growth as you go on in the world.

    As to the grief you are feeling, I know this feeling well. It’s kind of like preemptive homesickness. It is very normal.

    The good news is that we humans are very adaptable. What seems like a painful loss right now will be forgotten as you move on in the day-to-day of your new life.

    Like Inky said, these people are not static characters in your life. As I get older I’m starting to realize more and more that everyone, even your parents (my own parents always seemed to me very static and stable fixtures in my life), are on their own journey, their own path in life. Everything eventually changes, all good things must end, and all that.

    Perhaps this feeling of grief can help you to take stock of all the good and comforting things in this phase of your life that you will seek out as you go on?

     

    LW

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