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  • in reply to: Bereavement #423655

    Thank you for asking. We’ve all been struggling,  makes it harder because there is a delay in releasing my nephew and it’s looking like it will be weeks before we can have a funeral.
    I am feeling like I might be going in to depression, I’ve managed before with natural supplements and keeping active, but I’m afraid that this might not be enough. I don’t want to become an added burden to my family and wish I was able to stay strong for them.

    in reply to: Bereavement #423494

    Thank you for showing me this. I’ve also sent this to other family members.

    in reply to: Bereavement #423493

    <p class=”p2″>Anita – I’m sorry to read that you have also suffered pain., and I really appreciate the time you have taken to write back to me, your words are helping me, thank you 🙏</p>
    <p class=”p2″>Today I sat with my sister – my Nephews mother –  I managed to put my own pain aside and tried to comfort her. I told her about my vision of the light, she asked me to describe it, but it was hard to put in to words; it was as though he was the centre and the light radiated from him, like the rays from a beautiful sunrise. She did take comfort in this. </p>
    <p class=”p2″>My sister told me the last conversation that she had with her son, it was painful to hear. He was clearly distressed. He talked about growing up, how bad he had felt, not living with  his own family, etc..he thanked my sister for all that she’d done for him, said he’d loved her. He also mentioned Diazepam…</p>
    <p class=”p2″>It’s usually in the evenings when I go over what happened in my head, I am then overcome with a sense of terror, I’m trapped in a nightmare and I have panic attacks. </p>
    <p class=”p2″>I never knew that this type of pain and darkness existed – and I’ve suffered depressive episodes and Suicide thoughts, this is far worse. My whole family are devastated and that is also hard to witness. </p>
    <p class=”p2″>I want to be stronger to enable myself to help them. I am angry and ashamed with myself that I wasn’t stronger over these past few years. I could’ve made a difference. I have lost myself, withdrawn from people, suffer social anxiety. I thought I had nothing to give.</p>
    <p class=”p2″>Judy – I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered the loss of your Daughter. </p>
    <p class=”p2″>Thank you for also taking the time to write to me.</p>
    <p class=”p2″>My Nephew was studying Drama, he was a very talented, we all thought that one day he would be famous. He was very popular in his home town and also when he moved away. On Sunday evening, all his friends held a vigil at a special place he used to visit, which was high up on a mound overlooking the city. I’ve seen pictures and it is very  sad but beautiful. There was an area carpeted with candles and flowers, surrounded by so many people, so much love. I expect people from the city below would’ve seen the mound all lit up, like a beacon…They played his favourite music and released  lanterns.</p>
    <p class=”p2″>I’m sorry to hear of your struggles with keeping a job. You say you also hear your Daughters voice, telling you that only love matters. I Believe that. This is the worse thing that has ever happened to me and all that matters right now is the love that we have for each other. </p>
    <p class=”p2″>Does this pain get more bearable, I know it won’t ever go away? Did you or are you having counselling? Did it help? I’m not sure how to help my sister.</p>
    <p class=”p2″>I really do sense that you have so much to give. Maybe that’s your purpose in life, to help others?</p>

    in reply to: Bereavement #423132

    Thank you for your kind messages.

    My nephew was found Thursday 5th October, I was told that evening. On that the morning, out of the blue I heard/felt him say to me that he had done horrible things and couldn’t cope with his emotions anymore, I told my husband at the time.

    I felt his presence strongly until about 5 days after,  I sensed huge regret, then I saw a strong bright light surround him, I knew somehow that he was moving on to his next life. He was special, very popular, funny, intelligent, spiritual, quirky, his friends and family described him as a beacon of light.

    I can’t cope with this pain and guilt.  I loved him so much. I let him down. He came to live with us when he was 8 years old, but months later I had a mental breakdown because I couldn’t cope with caring for him, I had no support and I was also having to deal with my sister who was not coping with having MS, she had become an alcoholic. My other sister had to take him on when she already had other children to look after. I still saw him regularly and supported him. When he turned 16 he moved back in with his mother, which wasn’t good for his emotional well-being. He went to uni in 2020, he started not answering my messages, I never tried to ring him, left it to my sister and his Mother. I let him slip away, too consumed with my own problems, I was going through a very difficult time and struggling with depression. I only saw him a few times at Christmas. But he was in regular telephone contact with other family members. For the past few months he had been ringing my sister and his mother. They said he was having mental health problems, Apparently he had been prescribed all sorts of medication, which he was stopping and starting. He was also due to have an mri because he had numbness and pain in his legs. He thought he had MS. I recently learnt that the weekend before he took his life, his friends he had been sharing a house with, which he called family, all left him to move into another property. He was left on his own.  Abandoned again. I was aware that he couldn’t afford to stay where he was, he had left uni, struggled financially. My sister and Mother had been sending him money. They finally told him that they couldn’t keep sending money, that he needed to come back. I sent a message offering to stay with me or in a caravan. He didn’t answer but Why didn’t I phone him. He said to my other sister that he didn’t want to come back home, said he would rather kill himself. No one thought he actually meant it.
    My poor sister has lost her son, she keeps saying that she can’t deal with the guilt that he had rang to say goodbye, she thought he was being over dramatic again, if she had told someone, perhaps we could’ve tried to ring him or phone the police. I am partly angry with her, angry at myself. But my sister is left to suffer even more, she is wheelchair bound, lonely and we don’t know how to help her.

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