Thanks Mark! I will definitely try that. I think setting boundaries with him will be tough but if I do what you’ve advised, hopefully it works out and my last 2 months here will go by quickly! Thanks, again!

Hi Anita,

Your response really made me reflect, so thank you. You are right, I do value honesty and loyalty over the “fun personality.” The issue is the emotions involved. He says all of these things that make me feel guilty for wanting to break up. For example, if I bring up that he cheated the entire time, his response is that I cheated as well and “cheating is cheating.” He dismisses that I owned up to what I did and have always been 100% honest with him. He says we were both wrong and he was able to forgive me, so he doesn’t understand why I can’t let it go. He also makes me feel guilty when he says “I wonder if you ever really loved me.” He says that when two people “love” each other, they work through the hard times and fight for the relationship. And if I did love him, there’s no way I could move on so “fast.” He makes it seem like I’m the one who did all the heart breaking even though I know that’s not true. His words are very convincing. He makes me feel sorry for him. Especially when he talks about how I’m the only person he’s ever dated that cared so much about his future and saw potential in him. That’s because throughout our relationship I’ve begged him to get his act together, find a job that actually uses his degree, pays well, and that he enjoys. He hates his current job and complains but has never done anything to change it. I don’t see myself with someone who doesn’t have ambition, but he swears if I stay with him he’ll make those changes. He says he has nothing with me. He also brings up how close he is with my family, which also makes me feel bad. I have seen this man literally cry and tell me how much he needs me. He’s been acting very depressed and down on himself ever since I told him I was done. So I do feel guilty for wanting to end things because it’s hard to see someone I live with that I- for whatever reason- genuinely care about, have a depressed demeanor because of a decision I’m making. That’s also where the pity comes in.

By “keep the peace” I mean I don’t want to live in a stressful environment. Like I said, when we both started seeing other people, we were constantly arguing and fighting. He gets very jealous so I know it’ll be a constant battle for the next two months if I don’t attempt to at least be friends with him. He’s also made threats like if he ever sees me and the new guy together, all hell will break loose. He’s asked me if he can have the guy’s information to have a “man to man” conversation, and basically tell him to leave me alone. So now I feel the need to hide who I’m seeing from the world just to avoid conflict. I don’t want any of that. My work life is stressful enough, last thing I need to come home just to feel more stressed.

Thoughts?