I’ve been involved with this guy for nearly 2 years now and we’ve lived together for a majority of that time. When we started dating, things seemed to move really fast and he moved in just 2 months into the relationship because of issues with his old roommate. Over the next few months, things were going well but something seemed off and I couldn’t figure it out. To back up- in the beginning of our relationship we were watching a movie together in bed and I saw that he received a notification on his phone from a female and he turned the phone away from me to look it at. After that, I asked him if there was anything he was hiding. I specifically said “you’re not seeing anyone else are you?” He said no, so I let it go. As time went on I had a lingering feeling and kept seeing that he was in contact with this same person, so I asked about her and he said they were just friends from college and I had nothing to worry about. Things became more strange when he stopped showing interest in having sex with me, didn’t really want to go out on dates with me, he was either hanging out with his friends or staying in and not wanting to do anything. His communication skills were becoming worse- I often felt like I was talking to a wall. It also seemed like I cared more about his life/future than he did because he was just being a bum and I was the one pushing him to be a better version on himself. I told him what I was observing and he didn’t really seem to care.

I went out one night with a girlfriend of mine and another guy from my past was at the same place. Not sure how many drinks later- I ended up making a terrible decision and leaving with that guy and I cheated. I felt awful because I had never done something like that before and in my mind there was no excuse for it. I told the guy I could never see him again and went home super early. I sat my boyfriend down and told him what I did immediately. He was angry at me and made me feel awful. We still lived together so you can imagine the tension in the apartment. He told his friends and family what I did and they all shamed me. We broke up at that point and our lease was coming to end soon. Over time, we decided to try to work things out and he said he forgave me. But it didn’t feel like he did, I felt like his friends were looking at me like a monster and he made comments that really hurt me. On top of that, I was already hating myself. We decided to resign the lease either way because we wanted to work things out.

We got back together and things were OK until he went back to his old ways of basically not caring or trying. He was also upset when I shared my ideas of going back to school. He claimed I’d become “too busy” for him. So I told him I was tired of being the only one putting forth any effort and I decided to end things again. I then went on vacation without him and during my entire vacation he was texting and calling me saying how much he loves and needs me and he’ll do better. So when I came back, I decided to give it another shot. Just DAYS later, I was using his tablet (which is connected to his phone) and he kept getting notifications from the same person I asked him about before. I had never looked through a guy’s stuff before but something in my gut was telling me to check it out. So I did and found that person was sending him nudes. I was shocked and confused. I scrolled through their messages to way back to the beginning of our relationship only to find out that he had been seeing this other woman the entire time we were together. From day 1 of our relationship. I was so hurt and embarrassed because I came clean to him about the bad decision that I made 1 time and he told his people and made me feel like crap about myself for months. Yet he was lying, and sneaking around the ENTIRE TIME. I talked it out with my best friend who (without my permission) messaged the girl to inform her of the situation and she swore she had no idea he was in a relationship with me. She said that he said we were just roommates stuck in a lease. We broke up again.

After he begged and begged and realized I wasn’t budging we agreed to move on and see other people but we’d respect each other and not bring anyone into the apartment. A couple months later, I met someone new and he met a couple of new people. We became pretty nasty to each other and we’d bicker and fight constantly when we were both at the apartment. I snooped again (not my proudest moment) and found out that he had invited a girl back to our apartment one night that he thought I’d be gone. And on top of that- he spoke pretty nasty of me to this girl. I confronted him and he lied. At that point I was really done with him and I just wanted to break the lease and move out. Unfortunately I couldn’t afford it. So I started spending more time with the new guy and I started to really like him. He does everything I wished my “ex” would’ve done and I’m constantly in a state of happiness when I’m with him.

When my ex realized that I was getting serious about this guy and spending weekends away with him, he changed. He started being nicer, more attentive, randomly texting me at work saying he hopes I’m having a good day, bought me flowers, wanted to go out and do things together etc. I eventually caved. I didn’t agree to jump back into a relationship with him this time, I just wanted to see if this new version of him would continue. He blocked the women he had been seeing (so he says), and we went on dates that were pretty great and we started sleeping in the same bed together again every night. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the other guy. I felt bad but I distanced myself from the new guy for a few weeks while I watched my ex’s behavior. The new guy didn’t give up, he stilled tried to make contact. Also, he is very aware that I live with my ex. After a few weeks, my ex’s great gestures and changed behavior started to fade again and I just wasn’t feeling it. I vocalized it to him but it seemed like he got comfortable again. Like, “okay, I got her back, I don’t have to work anymore.” I started reengaging with the new guy and knew that my feelings for my ex just weren’t there anymore. I still care about him but I don’t want to be in a relationship with him. So I was honest and I told my ex, we’ve tried over and over again but this isn’t working, I’m interested in someone else, and we need to break up for good this time. Our lease is over in 2 months so I told him I want to be civil and I honestly would love to be his friend because he does have a fun personality. He told me that if I break up with him, he would turn his back and never chase me again. And I said okay, because that’s exactly what I wanted. He did the opposite and made it clear that he wasn’t going to just let me walk away. He told me he’s in love with me and realizes his mistakes, he apologizes constantly, wouldn’t stop texting me, cornered me every time I got home to “talk”, and even said multiple times that he wants to marry me. He actually said “will you marry me?” and I said no. He even said that he won’t allow me to go spend the weekend with the guy I’m seeing as long we are still living together! I don’t know what he meant by that but it sounded pretty crazy to me. And he says things like he can’t picture his future without me. He won’t accept that it’s over and he’s making me feel guilty. And I admit, I give into it sometimes but I know deep down it’s out of pity and I just want to keep the peace. I want to move on and see where things go with this new guy. I have 2 more months of this, I don’t know what to do. If I’m strict and tell my ex to really leave me alone, I’m worried this living situation will turn into a war zone.