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toto

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  • in reply to: dumped for someone else.. i'm dying. #66617
    toto
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    Dave,

    I’ve learned that no matter what people tell you, in this cases you will do what you feel is right for you. Only that in this state, we don’t think clearly enough. If she’s contacting you, she either feels guilty and she does care for you and wants the best for you, only not romantically. OR she sincerely wants to be friends. But think about yourself. The fastest way to get over this situation is through no contact. She has to respect your decision. She made a pretty big one that involved you as well and she never asked for your opinion.
    Getting back together, i’m sorry but it’s very rare. My opinion is that it only happens with on and off relationships.

    I can identify a lot with begging and pleading and then feeling ashamed. I did the same and wish I could take it back. In my eyes, when time passes and she thinks back to what we had, she will have lost some respect for me. You don’t have to explain anything to her really, just state the fact that you can’t be friends. Tell her maybe after some time, if you need to reassure yourself. Ultimately, you don’t even need to reply to her. if she’s mature enough, she will understand.

    It’s been a little over a month for me, and even though it feels better, I still have a long way to go. I’m going through the same as you. Another man was involved, only I don’t know the details and every time I think about it, I feel it takes me back a few steps. If she was randomly texting me or sending me stuff, I don’t know where I’ll be right now. You need to get her to stop.
    I still wake up every morning thinking about her, and I think that’s bad enough, but I know that will pass with time. Don’t get frustrated if you feel you can’t stop yourself from caring about her. But right now it’s important to care about yourself the most.

    Courage!

    in reply to: dumped for someone else.. i'm dying. #66408
    toto
    Participant

    I was in a similar situation years ago. The best thing you could have done was cutting contact with her. It’s hard, but you have no idea how much easier it will make it. Back then I wasn’t mature enough to stop contact with her. The result was that 3 years later I was still hurting for this girl, all the while trying to ignore the fact that she was with someone else (They eventually got married)

    The person who I thought was the love of my life left me a month ago. This time I cut communication with her, and while it was hard as hell, you have no idea how much faster you will get over it. After a week I had lost the urge to contact her, and after 2 weeks I did not see her in my future anymore, and didn’t even bother questioning the past. Trust me, I’ve been where you are. Thought about putting a gun to my head. Weekends were a bit rough, I’d picture her going out with other men. You will learn to ignore it and not think about it. Once you accept that she is out of your life for good, the healing starts to happen. Be mad at her when the time comes, you have every right. I personally think it helps.
    It does still hurt after a month, you’ll have the odd day where you wake up sad, but it’s mostly sadness from memories, and a little bit of loneliness. Hopelessness is gone. And it’s a hundred times more bearable than before.
    Take it one day at a time. The days will pass and before you know it, weeks will pass.

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