Anita,

You are right, the meanness and bullying is always hovering and emerges most when he is drinking and disinhibited. These little bits of wisdom are often forgotten but are so true and fuel for keeping me on the path moving forward.

As expected, he texted today to say he misses his best friend. So this is the beginning of one to two weeks of calm. These periods always preceded by about a week of rumblings, followed by a sudden surge in anger which indicates that the drinking has begun. The chaos, the need to make his target to repent lasts for a week or two then he comes up for air. Often in a stupor, never remembering details of his viciousness. At this stage, he is not to be reminded of his drinking; it is not good timing to make him feel more shame or guilt or he has put it the past and so should I (meanwhile I am left to lick my own wounds). This is where he says, “Sweetheart, you saved my life. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. Without you I am a mess”. So here we are, he once again cherishes me. I have remained silent this time. The reminders and support is gold for someone trying to leave this cycle  behind. Thank you.

Thank you Anita, I really appreciate your suggestions and generosity of your time. I have contacted Al-anon and find the once a week meetings good but not frequent enough to pass the weak moments when I am drawn back to help. I also don’t have the freedom of attending meetings regularly. Ultimately I would like to build an online network of contacts I can communicate with so I can stay strong through this process and ground myself and refocus. I am falling behind in my work duties and neglecting an upcoming exam just to help him out.

I am new on this forum, is there a way members can private message?

Thanks again.