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  • in reply to: To break up not or not to break up? #35264

    I agree with Laura.

    Have you tried journaling too? Writing down your story (like what you wrote to us) in a journal can be helpful because it de-stresses you even if just a bit and then later on when you read your entry again, you see your situation with a different perspective and you somehow start to come up with possible solutions to improve the situation.

    It will take some time to resolve this, but it is a good idea to start now (or the sooner, the better). Breaking up and letting go is a challenge no matter what. It goes the same with friends, family members, and even people we work with. Sometimes we have to do what is the best for us. The one thing we should always remember is to put ourselves first. It’s like a car…the more you neglect it, the more issues it will have. If you treat it well and take it in for oil changes, tune ups, etc, the less issues it will have and the longer it will last. Think of yourself that way…you are the car that you need to use to drive throughout your life. Your boyfriend is like a nail that keeps popping your tires, making it go flat and you get stuck on the side of the road. You coming onto this forum is your way of calling AAA for roadside assistance. Now that AAA (Laura and I) have provided some assistance, your car is able to get back on the road…it is up to you whether you want to keep driving down the road where you know there will be nails (your boyfriend) or choose a different road to new possibilities. Which one do you think your car will benefit from?

    You took the biggest step to change this situation by asking the forum for help. That means you are ready to make changes for yourself.

    I know the feeling of “what should I do?”…I have been in that position several times, and here is what has worked for me over the years…feel free to do this if you want:

    The first thing you can do is look at yourself in the mirror (don’t worry if you’re having a good or bad hair day!) and say “I love you. You come first.”

    After that, maybe write down things you would like to do with your life. Things you want to do, places you want to see, etc. Have a cup of coffee or tea while you do this. When you’re done, make sure you can see the list of things you want to do…they’re your goals in life.

    Keep looking at the list…think about those things as often as you can. Imagine yourself doing these things. Keep doing it over and over, when you eat, when you go to the bathroom, when you work, when you watch tv, etc.

    While you’re doing this, tell yourself you cannot control anyone but yourself. It is true, we can’t control anyone…they will do what they want/as they please. The only person we can really control is ourselves…and what that means is we can choose to do what we want, as we please. With that in mind, think about letting go of your boyfriend. Think about how it will help you reach your goals if you let go of him. Think about how it will help you become a better person if you let go of him. You are choosing LOVE…you chose to love yourself, to love life. Your boyfriend chose FEAR/HURT…he lives his life with fear/hurting others. You love him enough to let him go and find his way through life. You love yourself enough to let him go so you can be free to live a life of LOVE. You are doing all this for LOVE.

    The more you think about how you’re doing all this for love, the more love will come your way.

    Remember it is OK to let go of people and things. They will not disappear, they will always be there…you are just choosing not to focus your life on them/the things and letting them/the things hold you back. It opens up room for you to let in other people/more healthier things for you.

    It does not matter what type of background you come from…whether it was full of abuse or not. Anyone can be in a similar situation regardless their backgrounds. It is up to THEM to get out of the situation, and they can! That means it is up to you to say “ok I have had enough of this situation…my past is in the past…right now I want to life a loving life for myself, starting today.” You keep thinking that over and over (the more you think about it, the more it happens…it’s the power of attraction/manifesting your life to be the way you want it to be).

    You joined Tiny Buddha for a reason! 🙂 I come here often to help me stay on track with being in the moment, doing things out of love, etc. I believe in you…I believe you will get out of the situation you are in. There will be challenges, that is normal…you just keep moving forward. Whenever you have a challenge, come back here and read an article or talk to someone on the forum like you have!

    I wish you the best of luck…remember you are not tied to your situation, you can get out of it anytime you wish…you are free to do that…and you are going to do anything you do with your life out of love, especially for yourself. Letting go of people who hurt you (and who hurt themselves) is a loving thing to do, believe it or not. He will keep doing what he’s doing to you the longer you stay with him.

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