Dear lida:

I read your post twice.  Seems like nothing has changed since I was in school.  If I hadn’t known you had written the post, could have sworn it was my story, too.

I had a very lonely, cruel childhood as well.  I had no one to help me, no one to go to for advice.   I was also the keeper of two horrible secrets at the age of 16:  My mother was a mentally ill alcoholic and I knew I was gay.  To make matters worse, we moved around a lot so I was never in one school or one neighborhood long enough to make friends.   Like you, I got bullied and emotionally beat up on a regular basis.

I was afraid of both my parents.  My father “taught” me to be a victim in life by allowing my mother to physically and mentally abuse me.  I had serious thoughts about running away.  Eventually I did, but not until I graduated from high school.

Here’s what I did to survive:

I love to read.  I made the public library my best friend.  I spent as much time there as I possibly could.  I got to know fellow readers and librarians.  I went to library sponsored lectures and joined book clubs.  I volunteered at the library on weekends.  Before I knew it, my social life and friendships evolved around the public  library, not high school.  As I look back on those high school years, it was the public library that saved my life.

My point:  School is not the only place to make friends.   Look at your life outside of school and explore your hobbies and interests in greater detail.   You will be amazed how wonderful life can be when you are in an environment of your own choosing.  And don’t forget to smile.

I’m not a competitive person.  I had some serious reservations about college.   With my low self esteem and years of neglect and emotional abuse from parents and students, I didn’t feel I could handle college.  College can be intense and very competitive.

The best thing I ever did was go to college.  I guess by the time some people reach college age, they’ve grown up and become more purpose driven.  I formed my best friendships in college.   People actually reached out to me for my friendship and that was quite a change from those nightmare high school years.   I also realized something very important in college:  If you don’t become the architect of your own life, someone else will.

Desperation should not be in your vocabulary, Lida.   As I write this, I promise:  Life gets better.

Steven