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Ultraviolet8

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • January 30, 2016 at 11:25 am #94335
    Ultraviolet8
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita. You are very wise. I shall think about it, & defintely update you.

    January 30, 2016 at 10:54 am #94327
    Ultraviolet8
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    You are correct on many levels. Telling him, though…I hesitate to do that. It would shatter his world in a million pieces. I would have to think long & hard before doing that. I shall update you on what happens…I am really taking this time to figure out what I should do.
    It may be taken out of my hands- after confessing I have feelings for the other guy, he might just decide to cancel. Or weather might affect travel plans, who knows?

    Thank you kindly, Anita, for taking the time to help. I promise to come back and update things 🙂 Thank you.

    January 29, 2016 at 9:53 pm #94290
    Ultraviolet8
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    I know it sounds a bit confusing, my apologies. I appreciate greatly your good questions. I’ll try to answer the best I can. Without going into a lot of detail- the kind of job my husband has can be high stress & demanding. Often times, it doesn’t leave a lot of time at the end of the day for good intimacy. Also…from 2011 I had a lot of family issues/ trauma that still affects me to this day, and just adds to the stress. Not the best excuses for lack of intimacy, but factors.

    My husband swears up & down he loves me in “all ways”, that he does want the intimacy…just that he has to “work out” his issues. I think he is slso afraid of trying, but not being able to fully be intimate, if you get my point. He has gone to a doctor, and all is normal. There is no one else in the picture, either.

    The kind of love we have…hmmmm. I know for him, he loves me very much. I love him as well…however (and this eas even before college guy came into view), due to the lack of intimacy…my desire for him has waned a bit. When you have gone along, for a while, w/o intimacy, it’s almost like you are empty. Our sex life used to be great. I still find him attractive. The problem is- lack of intimacy for a long period of time, coupled w/ this man reappearing, has made me confused, irritated, stressed, etc.

    January 29, 2016 at 7:54 pm #94282
    Ultraviolet8
    Participant

    Hi Antia,
    You are very kind to follow up with my post. You must be a busy lady, lol. To answer your question..he is concerned about “performance” due to his anxiety. I have told him that I love him, and that even touching and exploring other avenues is fine with me. I know he cares a lot about me, and is willing to discuss things, so that is a good thing.

    To update on a few things….I told college guy that I do care about him, and have had these feelings for him for a while, and that is why I have been closed off with him. He did listen…but of course being Facebook messages..it is hard to guage things. I hate that I still have such strong feelings for him. I have suppressed them for so long..and never thought I would speak to this guy again. He probably thought I was a loon, messaging him to tell him this, since I am an ocean away, and it is really early am my time zone.

    …I also said I did not think it was wise fo rme to tell him how I feel, but at least all my cards were out on the table. The bottom line is– I do love my husband, and he loves me. I know he is trying to work on things….and I am a very patient person. It’s just..the ONE person in my past…that could make me yearn for them so much…is now in my present. And I remember what you said, Antia..that one bite would not be enough. You are correct. And I know I am already hurting and feeling torn…and I haven’t even seen him …or ever will see him. So I guess I lose no matter what.

    January 29, 2016 at 8:16 am #94195
    Ultraviolet8
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    I apologize it took me a few days to reply. You are correct; one more experience with him would want me to have another, and another. He is not, nor am I, in the position to do that. And I know my heart, my yearning would cause me more stress and heartache, in the end.
    As far as my husband goes- we have discussed the situation frankly. His self esteem issues stem from his childhood, which was abusive. He doesn’t feel like he is good enough, etc. I compliment him, sincerely, often. While he does appreciate it…we are at square one, still. How have I been dealing w/ it? Patiently…but I yearn fir that level of intimacy again.

    I just feel stressed & torn. I know in my heart, if I slept w/ college guy again- I would end up hurting myself. Yet I am trying to be patient w/ my husband, for whom my desire is starting to wane due to the lack of intimacy all of these years.

    Thank you for listening.

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