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  • November 22, 2016 at 9:29 am #120943
    U
    Participant

    Dear Nina,

    Like you said I also have moments when I’m angry and mad and feel I’ve been used. Other times I feel something else and those feelings are going in circles every day.

    Also thinking of her being with someone else is so painful that I have the feeling that I wasn’t good enough for her. It’s making me feel worthless even knowing I’m not and I have all the qualities one normal guy must have. But of course she has all the rights to date who ever she wants now. On my side of things I somehow feel that If I start dating again it will be like I’m betraying our past love and moments. I know this kind of thinking sounds stupid but that’s the way I’m living it at the moment.

    I want her to be happy even if that means without me and I hope I will be happy and confident again like I was before our break up.

    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by U.
    November 22, 2016 at 9:15 am #120941
    U
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I never told her words like I’m older I know best. I always carefully kept listening what she had to say and tried to understand her. And of course I do understand that not being in love with someone is a valid reason to break up.

    I never wanted to marry a immature woman but I kept thinking that she will grow up being with me and not being apart from me and she even once told me that she also wanted those things. That’s the main reason I feel this way.

    I wish her the best and she will be always in my heart.
    Maybe it’s pointless for me to try and figure out what’s really on her mind because those feelings are somehow normal in our early 20’s today and I see many other forums have same or similar topics.

    I’ll just try and live with this feeling day by day and hopefully this pain inside me goes away with time and patience.

    November 22, 2016 at 6:15 am #120910
    U
    Participant

    Nina, thank you for participating on this thread.

    Seems like you felt the same way like my ex now. In time apart you have learned that love is much more than sparks and butterflies. I know she needs to discover those things on her own without me but my God the pain inside me is devastating.

    Funny thing is that I’m kinda afraid to ever trust another woman after this relationship because the girl can be a real sweetheart but in the end you can allways expect those words “I don’t feel the same anymore”.

    What happened during your time apart Nina, did you reach out to him at some point and have you dated other man?

    November 21, 2016 at 3:54 pm #120845
    U
    Participant

    Of course I left her alone. I have my own pride and it is not right to bother someone who doesn’t want you anymore.

    I could feel that her behaviour came from immaturity because not only her but many women today in their early 20’s think that they will find a man whom they’re going to feel sparks all the way down in years coming by. If you’re old enough you know that’s impossible and love is something bigger than just sparks.

    I respect her decision of course because it is hard for her to know what real love is with me being her first love. She needs to explore things outside on her own and I can understand that because I was also at her age and I kinda remember me having those feelings back then.

    I was just trying to find an answer how to move on from a woman whom I gave all my love and trust because it seems so hard as time goes on.

    Thank you for participating Inky

    November 21, 2016 at 10:58 am #120821
    U
    Participant

    Thank you for your response Anita.

    I’m going trough every post breakup feeling, can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t concentrate on my work and so on. It’s been a couple of months already. I have friends who also had young and immature girlfriends and ended up married to them and I thought my ex girlfriend would be one of them but sadly I could never know this day would come. That’s the reason I feel lonely and worthless even after knowing things happened because of her immaturity. It’s when the feeling is much stronger then the individual itself. I’m an emotional guy and maybe that’s the reason I feel this way even after having a clear picture of the reason this happened. I also know how she feels because I know her better than she knows herself. She’s scared because she’s aware that she broke my heart but that doesent heal my pain and she’s probably repeating in her mind the famous words “I miss him but I did the right thing”.

    I’m living in a small city in Argentina and the social life here is very low and so is moving on from this situation. I do go out with my friends and I try really hard not to think of it but it’s not so easy because I loved her to the point where I was ready to take a bullet for her and in the end she took all my love for granted.

    I would like to know what it takes to move on from this heartbreaking situation.

    November 20, 2016 at 1:04 pm #120792
    U
    Participant

    I’m the one going trough this. I can assure you that the pain your man feels is devastating. No illness hurts like a broken heart.
    Here’s my experience on this. We were in a relationship for a couple of years, loved each other, cared for one another and so on. Until one day she tells me the magic 21’st century girly words “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore”. The more I loved her, the more she took me for granted and the more I cared for her the more she lost her respect for me. How silly is that? Of course I can understand her behavior because she’s young and immature and being her first love she doesn’t really understand that love evolves over time and the butterflies die over time no matter who you’re with and that’s not the reason to break someone’s heart. In the end it is all about respect and finding someone who loves you for who you are. And of course it is a never ending work to reestablish that spark not only in a relationship but in marriage also. Every relationship needs to be 50/50. Both sides need to put an effort to work things out. I also wasn’t attracted to her like before but I knew she’s the woman I love and I could never leave her nor break her heart. Maybe that’s because I’m older and I know that no matter who I’m with butterflies die over time and love is then based on respect and commitment. I remember at her age, every girl I was with I always thought there was something better outside the relationship but unfortunately there wasn’t and that’s the only thing that thought me to respect the love and women I have even if the spark is gone because in the end love is something bigger then sparks and butterflies. It’s called respect and commitment. Also there are girls who know how to love and appreciate her man and they know that spark is not equals love but respect and commitment is. In the beginning of a relationship you can never know how your partner is going to react in the next couple of years and it is a big risk loving someone today when people are obsessed with social media and don’t appreciate what they have. Sadly but that’s the world we live in today.

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