November 18, 2016 at 8:28 pm #120690
Thank so much Anita for your response. Your advise is very helpful to me. I will try to contact him and see what happens.
LifeNovember 19, 2016 at 7:06 am #120703AnonymousGuest
You are welcome, Life. Hope you post with an update following meeting him.
anitaNovember 20, 2016 at 6:39 am #120763
I will Anita 🙂November 20, 2016 at 1:04 pm #120792UParticipant
I’m the one going trough this. I can assure you that the pain your man feels is devastating. No illness hurts like a broken heart.
Here’s my experience on this. We were in a relationship for a couple of years, loved each other, cared for one another and so on. Until one day she tells me the magic 21’st century girly words “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore”. The more I loved her, the more she took me for granted and the more I cared for her the more she lost her respect for me. How silly is that? Of course I can understand her behavior because she’s young and immature and being her first love she doesn’t really understand that love evolves over time and the butterflies die over time no matter who you’re with and that’s not the reason to break someone’s heart. In the end it is all about respect and finding someone who loves you for who you are. And of course it is a never ending work to reestablish that spark not only in a relationship but in marriage also. Every relationship needs to be 50/50. Both sides need to put an effort to work things out. I also wasn’t attracted to her like before but I knew she’s the woman I love and I could never leave her nor break her heart. Maybe that’s because I’m older and I know that no matter who I’m with butterflies die over time and love is then based on respect and commitment. I remember at her age, every girl I was with I always thought there was something better outside the relationship but unfortunately there wasn’t and that’s the only thing that thought me to respect the love and women I have even if the spark is gone because in the end love is something bigger then sparks and butterflies. It’s called respect and commitment. Also there are girls who know how to love and appreciate her man and they know that spark is not equals love but respect and commitment is. In the beginning of a relationship you can never know how your partner is going to react in the next couple of years and it is a big risk loving someone today when people are obsessed with social media and don’t appreciate what they have. Sadly but that’s the world we live in today.December 2, 2016 at 6:59 pm #121772
Anita, I followed your advice. I contacted my ex, telling him I was gonna be in his state for the holidays and he immediately told me that he misses me so much and was just waiting for the month to end so he could contacted me again (I told him not to contact me till December so I can get over him) and of course we got together and talked and got to the conclusion that we love each other’s company and our conversations but u fortunately we can’t be together but maybe one day we will be. Thing is he is texting me everyday like usual again from good morning till good night, even though we said we will take things slowly and see what happens. I’m not complaining though, I love that we’re talking again and have him in my life. I will be careful when I make a decision from now on anand pay attention to his behavior before I mamake any final decision about us. So far I’m enjoying it :). Thanks again and good luck to everyone!!December 2, 2016 at 8:18 pm #121775AnonymousGuest
Enjoy his attention, the warm fuzzy feelings, these are obviously mutual. Enjoy and stay aware, learn about him, about you… hope you update again!
anitaMarch 16, 2017 at 7:04 am #139743Gabby07Participant
I don’t know if this will help make me feel better but i guess its worth a shot.
So i met this guy in high school (grade 10) and started dating, we had the perfect relationship but obviously trust me to be naive and not realized he had fuckboy tendencies. I tried to ignore it, had all my friends tell me to leave him and hold interventions for me coz i was being ‘blinded’ by love. We dated for about 3 years in high school and went to university still together making it 4 years, end of that year things spiraled out of control and i found out that my friends had been right all along and he had been playing me since the beginning, it became a big deal and we broke up. I dated 2 guys since that time and both relationships were great but just didn’t feel right, end of 2016 things happened that brought us close together to a point where we had to talk about the break up after many unsuccessful attempts from him to get us back together and apologize, We spoke and decided that we had never stopped loving each other and convinced each other that things would work out, beginning of this year (2017) we decide to try it out for real. I really thought i loved him like i did before, when we were together this time around it felt like the whole universe wrapped us up in all the love that’s ever existed in it, but when we were apart all i could think about was whether he’d really changed, whether he meant everything he promised me this time around, i don’t think i ever got to the point where i could trust him again, but just being around him made me so confused and everything would just seem like it was gonna be better. I told him that i wanted us to break up in February because of the way i had started feeling about him and the growing doubts about us, he was so sad and we spoke to a point where i felt like things were going to work out… lol I’m so weak… Some time passes and things are great again, but something is busy nudging me and i’m just not completely settled in the relationship, all I can think about is the fact that i don’t trust him anymore and i can’t get myself to believe anything he says… So on friday I made the decision to break up with him for good, I couldn’t explain it to him because it wasn’t the traditional break up explanation, I told him the truth about my insecurities that just didn’t want to go away, I know myself and if i had continued with the relationship, i know i would’ve ended up cheating on him and i know he doesn’t deserve that, i could hear that he was done trying to convince me that we can make it work and i know i would’ve felt the same way if i was him. I felt so terrible i even dreamt about it. Today i decided to send him a message apologizing for everything i put him through, i know i probably shouldn’t have but i did and i don’t know what i thought would happen but he sent me back a message saying i must go to hell, i never cared about him, he doesn’t hate me but himself for wasting his life and time trying to love me… I can completely understand why he said what he said about me going to hell, but people don’t heal the same way, and maybe i was in it with him this time just to spite him and hurt him the way he did to me… I don’t think i ever got over everything he put me through, but I did try to see the light at the end of this tunnel, but at some point it just faded and it was just a dark hole with no way out. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not looking for sympathy or someone to make me feel better by telling me it was the right thing to do coz i know i could’ve avoided it all from the start. Sometimes i just feel like friends get tired of hearing stories about your heartbreak from the same guy, i don’t want someone to judge me for what happened, i feel bad enough knowing that i sold him a beautiful dream, had him buy it then snatch it away again…I love him… I still believe in love and happiness though, if something is meant to work out or happen, nothing in the whole universe will stop it, maybe not now or anytime soon but the universe has its way of helping you fulfill your destiny…April 20, 2017 at 6:58 am #145943ANGELICAParticipant
Omg! for a moment I thought that I was the only one who felt this way after a break up but, M you spoke my heart out for me.. This guy I let go was truly an amazing guy and I let him go last night via msg cuz i felt the same emptiness as you in our relationship 🙁 btw how are you coping with the situation now? I haven’t replied his last msg cuz I haven’t the guts to face him. He deserves more and I know in my heart I made the right choice (at least I hope so).Please reply me and help me over come this situation. Just consider me as a friend of yours that faced the exact same situation you faced some time ago.May 27, 2017 at 5:26 pm #150908Margaret WattsParticipant
I want to share this testimony of how I got my husband back, I was married to my husband for 3 years and we had a child , things were beginning to change for bad when my husband began to go out with other women and was also clubbing excessively. We were separated for two years till a friend introduced a spell cast man to me in a matter of days after he cast a spell for me to get my husband back ,I got my husband calling me and pleaded for me to take him back and we are back now and he loves me so much now that he can do anything for me . If you are facing any situation like this kindly contact SOLUTIONSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM I know you will find help with him.August 27, 2017 at 8:43 am #firstname.lastname@example.orgParticipant
I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago. I am 37 and he is 45. We spent 3-4 month together. We were ok together, no stress, both are doing well with out lives and independent, very practical relationship as we both were at the age that did’t need drama. He is very nice and loyal person. He has few priorities in his life and i was completely ok with that. Even, i started involving and liking his goals. But I want happiness, love in my life which i never felt from him. He never talked about us, he always talk about him and what he wants. He being very closed to his mom and talked to them 2-3 times a day, sharing everything with her and sometime he said i am doing this because my mom thinks this way.. something like that started scaring me. That made me feel like if he is like this now then what will be the situation after few years. I started getting worried.
As usual, he came in evening I made dinner, we eat together. I told him that its not working out. He sounds little angry and left. But then i felt i made a mistake, i didn’t even gave him a hint what i have been thinking. . I never got him a chance to work on anything. I should have told him, he might not aware of anything. He hardly had a girlfriend and he might don’t know how to treat a woman..
I need help.. what should I do…August 28, 2017 at 10:26 pm #166032AliParticipant
I just broke up with my boyfriend of about 2 months. Although it wasn’t as long as most of your relationships, it still hurts. I’ve known him for 3 years and we dated for the first time 3 years ago but it didn’t end up working out. It ended badly and words were said. Eventually we started talking as friends and were there for each other when we needed someone. This past summer we reconnected and it was extremely unexpected. I suffer from anxiety and depression and it has gotten worse over the past few months. Before we started dating again, I told myself that a relationship is not good for me right now. However, after we were talking and hanging out several times, I started to gain feelings for him again and gave it another shot. It felt right at the moment but then as time went on, something started to feel wrong. Although he is such a sweet guy and has been there for me through this tough time in my life, my anxiety felt like it was getting even worse and I started to question if I had made the wrong decision. I would start fights with him over something stupid and would say things I didn’t mean because of how angry I’ve been feeling and he almost broke up with me because of that. I love him and want to be with him but I had a gut feeling that was telling me that I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. Every time I felt like I had to end it, I kept thinking about how upset he would be and would chicken out. Eventually I realized that it just had to be done because I need to focus on myself and do what’s best for me. He’s an amazing person and has treated me so well. He is extremely understanding about everything, even the break up. However, I know he is still hurting and I feel so bad. He loves me so much and so does his family, but I have to focus on my happiness and get better. I just feel like such a bad person, even though I know I’m not and many people go through this. I just hope I made the right decision and that he won’t end up hating me.June 25, 2018 at 9:15 am #213967AnjaliParticipant
I’m Anjali….I broke of with my boyfriend recently …I’ve been with him from the last 5 months….he is the best guy any girl want to have but though having all the qualities of a perfect boyfriend I didn’t get to fell the connection that I really need to….like other couples gets so much attracted towards their partner or fell so much excited to spend time with them but in my case I didn’t …..I hung up for these few months thinking tat I’ll get that felling for him but I didn’t ….I just wanted to broke up Nd I tried confessing him before also but couldn’t gathered the guts to break his heart…but I realized that hanging in the relationship where u don’t want to be is just so unfair to your felling as well as your partner …in a way while staying in relation I fell like I’m cheating myself like ruining my happiness to make him happy…one day we had a bit fight and I said to him that I want a break up and he was like its ohk it’s your life do what makes u happy….but I knew that he was broken inside…so for his happiness I thought to patch up but that thought of being in relation again could make my heart heavy…I made myself strong and made a decision that I’ll breakup and I thought that I wouldn’t be so difficult but now I realized that it was not at all easy…I’m still fighting over my guilt that I’ve hurt him a lot….writing all this thing makes my heart a bit light ….I don’t know weather I did right or wrong …..if anyone has been in a situation similar to mine do reply Nd give me some advice….July 3, 2018 at 5:09 pm #215289HParticipant
Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend over a week ago now and at the time it felt like the right thing to do. However as time’s gone by I miss him so much. He was basically my life for 2 years, my best friend and my partner in crime. We did everything together, going from that to nothing is killing me. I went out for my friends b’day a few days ago and I actually had to excuse myself from the table to cry in the toilet cubicle, because it felt wrong that I wasn’t sharing this evening with him. I feel like I have no right to feel this way because I was the one to break it off with him.
The reason I ended it was because for over a year I’d been begging him to get his life sorted. He didn’t have a job and spent his days either with me or when I was working, playing video games. I was mothering him so much, that all my friends joked that he should have got me a mothers day card! By the end my feelings of being in love were fading, I felt like I tried so hard. He also lives an hour away and doesn’t drive, so I was forever travelling up there.
However now we’ve broken up, he’s got himself a job and is learning to drive. He then begged me back, which was the hardest thing for to say no to but it unfortunately it feels too late. I love him dearly but I’m not in love with him anymore. However I can’t stop thinking about how I’ve hurt him. How I just want to hold him in my arms again and tell him everything is going to be ok. How I just want to go on another one of our drives, where no one exists but us. I just feel so lost. I’ve tried to keep busy but I just can’t. I’ve spent the last 3 days (my days off work) either lying in bed numb, whilst drifting in and out of sleep. I got up at 5pm yesterday! Or crying like I am now. I know that I can’t risk breaking his heart again, and I know I’m not in love with him, but I also know I can’t carry on like this. I honestly feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to put myself back together.August 21, 2018 at 8:54 am #222323SageParticipant
Hi there M! And Erin!
I read your story and felt completely connected, as this is my current situation to a T. I’ve known my currently ex boyfriend for 10 years, and he was my absolute best friend. but I’ve completely shattered his heart and he’s really hurt right now. but the problem is, I’m so unsure of what I want in life. He can be jealous, so sometimes he prevents me from doing things when he truly doesn’t mean to. but I’ve never been treated like such gold in my life, he makes me feel like a princess, he makes me feel safe, and he absolutely makes me feel so loved. I felt like I wanted to explore the world more, I wanted to be young and careless and have fun, but at the time time I think I could do those things with him and be really happy if I just tried, because he always tried so hard for me. I think that was once of our biggest problems that I hate to admit. I have struggled with severe depression all my life, and when we got together, I fell into a very comfortable place, I gained 70lbs, which was devastating for me because I’ve always struggled with my weight and had just lost 60lbs, I really let myself go. He always put 100% in and I always tried to, but I felt so discouraged and disconnected from who I truly was. And I just feel like if I really really, reaaaallly tried, things could work out. I know I could be so happy with him, I still see myself marrying him and building a family with him. But at the same time, there’s a lot of little things that get to me. he always wants to be right, he hates being embarrassed, and we sometimes won’t let the little things go, but they are just those little things that add up. This is the second time I’ve broken up with him because I’m just so unsure. But I’m not just unsure about him, it’s life in general. I don’t know what path I want to take for the future as I’m only just 20. So I don’t know if I’m really unsure about him, or if it’s just my whole life I’m unsure about, which is resulting in me being unsure about him. Anyways, I love him with all my heart and I’d do anything for him, and I just really really miss him.
I just wanted to know, since it’s been years since this breakup for you, how you feel? do you regret it? was it worth it? do you miss him? or are you happy and do you know you made the right decision?
Thanks!! Lots of love, Sage.May 27, 2020 at 8:25 am #356750RacquelParticipant
I am replying to M.
I just broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for 4 years and 8 months.
At first, everything was wonderful. Then, when it became a relationship, things started to go downhill. After about two years, I started to lose feelings for him. It was a combination of things. We both had emotional, physical, financial, and mental things happen to us which caused us problems individually and as a couple.
Nevertheless, we stayed together. At the beginning, I could see a future with him but as time went on, I couldn’t. Whenever he would mention about moving in or getting married, I would feel terrified and claustrophobic. I tried to get out of seeing gim. When I did see him, I didn’t want to be intimate. I said, I love you but the feelings weren’t there.
I just broke up with him yesterday but I’m a wreck. I feel sad, guilty, regretful, and a whole mess of emotions. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just move in or get married like other people. Why do I feel like I do? He had his faults and so do I.
I keep wrestling with my decision. I like what Jon said about God. I try to leave it with God asking Him for His will in this situation knowing that if we are meant to be together, God will bring us back together some way.
So confused and upset right now. I could use advice, please.