Hi there JCooper,
2nd time writing a reply because I’m not a techy person, I have to be honest and tell you that I could only read 3/4’s of your story because I could feel myself reliving what you are going through. It has only been 2 weeks that after 15 yrs and 10 being so cruel, horrific, infact I had to reseach to see if “any-one” can have no conscience? I lived in a isolated area on 11 arces and 2 ponds with a 10 sleeper camper with a fire pit, not one single time did he want to nor help me cut wood how ever on that note I really do not think I would be here if I did not have that precious spot that I went to to cry or have a emotional breakdown in private! I am so thankful for the crisis team as they would come any place anytime to see me, 3 of them taking the time to her my sorrows. I held back alot to call them because I once volunteered for 10 yrs and did public speaking then got a job with the schoolboard so anyone who gives time without a price are the most thoughtful people in the world. My husband had total control of every single thing’ and like before you know it years “sad” yers have passed. The most heartbreaking thing about this is the amount of friends that KNEW what was going on but never said a thing because I was so high on life before meeting this man, in the beginning I lived in the City and had a open door for people and made beautiful friends old and new. My 2nd husband came from a much higher end of Ont. where as he put it “Big is better” well he moved in and sold his house but 1st I have to tell you this part, “before he was thinking of moving in, I knew in my heart that we are from 2 different worlds and I was very open and honest and said to him, Listen, you come from some thing I never had nor want and I think it would be better if we are friends” he would not hear of it “truth was’which came yrs later to myself was “lust”, that thing that never last and the even sadder part was I have 3 beautiful son’s and a foster daughter, I am far from a professional in any of this, “but” my son’s have suffered even though they are adults and now 2 moved in here with me, a renting house because he had control of all the assets “well” put it this way he always was and is a “narcissist” infact he told me he was thinking of buying a
house, “wow”, because everyday was empty so was my drive for life, “why” I asked myself, because after he moved it was not long we moved to a upscale house in my smaller City but as I showed my son’s, (this was cute) he said mom, they don’t do toast on this Street
, they do crumpits!! Oh Boy, that big house lasted 1 year and then he talked me into the country so that is how that came about and the the 407 took our house and it pushed us into a more secluded part. I can only speak of what I have learnt and that is there are very cruel people out there and it is hard is your natural DNA is a loving and giving person does not realize this, and I also towards the end shut every single person out of my life because I felt abused by them for not even saying “HEY” you need to talk no after I could no longer put a false front on from the “use to be” entertaining, allowed parties down at the water” and always asked if it was
okay as well hoping maybe he would come down but “know know” he would wait for them to go say “hi” and I know THEE only reason they never asked me if “I” was okay was because he always had pot and I learnt that meant more than me. Yeap, I stopped and changed my number and menatlly shut down, infact he did not pack one single box myself and son counted the boxes I packed it was 148 and he moved to his new place and I stayed at our old house to clean it and slept on the floor along with my son, who is a absolute mess as they seen and they are not agressive but it hurt them, I am only 5’1 at 110lbs and managed that whole property except he would cut the grass on the rider. I became a subservient wife over the years. The most important thing that I hope if anything you get to read this:
I feel your pain and even though I am on my own I am a broken down person still, and I am so afraid to let my son’s see me cry because I don’t want them to think I am not happy “BUT” I am not” it got to a point where you doubt your very own existent, so I am still broken, I have anxiety and when I want to break down, I lie to the kids and pretend to make it like we need some thing so they will go out. Please, even though I am still stripped of “who was I’?, maybe and hopefully when you walk away you will gain your old self back and I will pray for that!! Spoken with truth V