Smutsik, I have struggled with these feelings regarding my spouse and the associated guilt for feeling them for such a long time!!! It was so refreshing to read your feelings and identify with them.

I’m seeing a therapist now to help me work through a lot of these feelings as the dissonance has been difficult for me to square up. I’m not a trained therapist but I do a lot of work in mental health and also have much personal experience and my relationship with my spouse, but I’m wondering if the feelings that you felt were not so much a lack of attraction but a sense that there is something unhealthy about the person you were dating, and her weight was a symptom of the deeper issue. I actually would love to hear your thoughts more if you would like to talk on the phone as this is a fairly complicated and delicate matter