Exactly. I feel no warmth especially from my father. The weird thing happened today at gym, I caught myself flirting with my coach, which I have never done before nor like him in a romantic way. I thought maybe because he is the only guy friend that I interact lately. I really wanted to be cured. Help me please 🙁

I have friends at work and outside as well. I laugh at them, talked about life, except on this addiction. I am happy with them but when I came home, I came dull and cold. I lived with my parents.  We don’t talked much, I left home early and went home late at night. I never felt that ‘home’ I crave for it. Yes, I have friends but I mask myself everytime when I am with them.

Not until last month, I met a guy online. He made me feel sooo wonderful and loved but then he suddenly disappear. Right now, I miss the feeling he gaves me.

Thank you anita, I think I would like to follow yours maybe by being aggressively harsh to myself won’t help me.

I think I can manage my plan. However, I don’t know how to deal with my depression. Should I just numb and be cold? I don’t know what to do.

To anita,

Today is my 4th day when I started to elimate my ‘drug’. I already uninstalled tinder 4 days ago. Just tonight, I watched a romantic movie, a very sad one. Half way the movie, I feel depressed, I turned it off and went back here. Now, I feel so low again.

I planned to eliminate everything for six months, not to entertain any potential lover or watched a movie that can trigger my longingness.

To Anita,

I am so thankful for giving your time to help me understand myself completely. I would like to choose the fourth one. Since trusting myself is the first thing I need to understand. I don’t trust myself on my decisions cause it might be due to my emotional baggage. I can’t trust myself to choose the type of man I’ll date. and, I can’t trust myself to the path I take, because I am out of control.

Yes, that was true. You really remembered it correctly. But that was a different story. My parents always keep fighting when I was a little girl. Whenever they fought, my mom would immediately packed her stuff and leave with us. But, when I went home from school, late afternoon, I was looking for her but she wasn’t around. Immediately, I thought that she run aaway, I looked at her cabinet..

And then, all of her clothes were gone. I was so hurt, I felt abandoned. I look around to see if I can find her used clothes. I look at the laundry and I pick up her worn clothes. I cried and cried then my father came, he did not say anything. He even scolded me for crying. The maid prepared dinner and put me to sleep. I keep on questioning, where is my mother? I cry myself to sleep with my mom’s worn clothes in my arms.

Days after, my mom came back. I feel peace again. I never thought that memory will resurface again, it’s get clearer this time than previous years.

I see and I totally understand. It’s okay anita. You help me realize something – that’s more than enough for me. Knowing that there is something that I must fix for myself. Everyday is a learning process. I really appreciate your efforts. I am quite shock you remembered me. Even that, thank you for giving me your attention that I need. 🙂

Thank you. As I read your comment anita, tears comes down through my face. I didn’t know that that incident can affect me this much. I’ve been jumping relationship to relationship, seeking attention and love. I never thought this could sabotage my mental health. it’s been a long, long time ago. How can I access to her? How can I talk to that little girl?