Hi Peggy,

Thanks for the reply.
“From what you have said, he is the one that began this process and you are having to respond accordingly…” Yes, I think you’re right. I’ve been spending my time focusing on my well-being lately. I still think about him a lot, but I feel little bit better now. and I hope it’s gonna be much better with time.
Thanks for helping me!

Vesper

Hi Peggy!

No, he’s not down all the times. Yes, he recognizes it, but doesn’t think it’s unnecessary to find help.
“I don’t believe that a love relationship would work out between you-“…I had similar thought. But I really really care for him and want to be there for him, be it as a friend or a gf. But I can’t do it right now, as a friend who has romantic feelings.
“You can encourage him to face the past if you ever get to talk to him again or you can move on-“…is it better for me to talk to him or distance myself then? assuming, he won’t initiace contact anythime soon. Thank you so much!!

Regards,
V

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your answer. Yes, you’re right, I completely agree with you and many times I try to keep our discussion calm and under control.

Usually, he’s the one to initiate discussions that could lead to tough arguments. I love discussing with him, he is one of brilliant minds I know. but sometimes we can’t control our emotions. We’re both so stubborn, so usually we ended up our arguments by letting each other calm down (saying explicitly) and it takes 2-3 days for us to get back to our normal routine (chatting). but not this time, it feels like…he gives up on me and doesn’t care how upset he made me :'( …but thanks for the suggestion!

V

Hi all,

Sorry I forgot to add some info on why I always refrain myself from telling him how I feel. Long story short, he was growing up from a family that’s very far from ideal. He kinda doesn’t understand why people should or would marry. In our early friendship, he even told me that he doesn’t want to pursue marriage. But he wants a girlfriend, someone who would always be there for him and vice versa, without any marriage bond. I have no idea if he still has these thoughts or not. Tbh, I’m confused, because other times he told me he was so sure none would want him to be their spouse, thus he wanted to live single life.

Second, he’s kind of putting me in a high pedestal. He always says that he doesn’t deserve me as his best friend, that he’s a bad person and I’m a good one, that he feels bad in wasting my time on him. Everytime I mentioned good things about him, he didn’t believe me, saying I did that to cheer him up. Yes, he kind of has constant mild depression. I asked him to go seek professional help many times but he always refused, saying at least he looks fine from the outside.

So yeah, that’s why I haven’t told him how I feel all this time. He must feel bad dragging me into loving him, or even worst, he won’t believe what I say. I’m so very much confused :'(

Thx for reading!

V

Hi Peggy, thank you so much for your reply! I think you’re right, and you’ve put into words what I’ve been trying to make myself face up to. I considered telling him about this many many times but always afraid that it would ruin our friendship. I was coming to this conclusion because several time he explicitly said things indicating he didn’t love me that way…like “I never fall in love with my girl friend” or “you should go date him” (when some other guy confessed his feelings for me, and such.

I can rarely form quite intense bonds with people, but with him…it’s like we’re so much connected. I really don’t want to lose him. Thank you for the reminder that I should reconsider telling him. I think I need to take a step back, calm down, and find my way to tell him. Not sure it’ll happen in the near future tho 🙁

Thanks again!!
V