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Waraqqa

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  • #192811
    Waraqqa
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    1) It does not matter who started the relationship.  In my last one, I was the one who made a move on him, and I didn’t regret it at all, it was great. Some men are indecisive, and there is nothing wrong with the woman making the first step, it is empowering. He wouldn’t have gone for it, let alone stick around for 5 years and get engaged to you if he didn’t want it.

    2) However, what ruined that relationship for me was precisely my own doubts and insecurity. My preceding experience was emotionally abusive one, so I was still reeling from it, conditioned to look out for “red flags”, and very hypervigilant, always afraid that I’d be abandoned or unloved. When our long-distance phase started, his inability to keep in touch as often as before to me looked like cooling down (which it wasn’t), and I kept lashing out, eventually frustrating him, and with one particularly bad accusational email, things broke beyond repair.  I really wish I had more faith and been more positive.

    #192023
    Waraqqa
    Participant

    Dear Kittycat100,

    It could be that your anxiety and worries are caused by the fact that you are imagining the worst outcome – getting old in an incapacitated way, being alone and helpless, or dying in some kind of a slow protracted way. But since you don’t know the future, how about considering other possibilities? – maybe you’ll remain strong and firm and happy for years to come, up until the very end, and then, at an advanced age, die quite suddenly. It could happen also, couldn’t it? Does that possibility appeal to you more? Of course, you can’t guarantee anything, but anything is possible. And if you take care of yourself, the second option – while not guaranteed – is technically possible. You never know what happens in life.

    Unless your deeper fear is the end as such. I sometimes have it, though I’m much younger, I’m not sure why. I like reading obituaries and watching morgue documentaries, even writing my will – it helps to put me at ease and more peace with the fact that we are ALL mortal creatures.

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