Thank you so much Anita 🙂

He says the break is also best for me because he knows the back and forth is unfair. He is right. But this break is part of the back and forth and I had to put a stop to it. He says he is unsure and I realized that I have a lot to give and I am so good to him. I deserve to be with someone who is not unsure of me. After three years if he isn’t sure, I think I have my answer!!

xo

Love all the feedback, truly…and Inky, you sound like my friend B. who tells me he has no game, also…and you are right, he is not PLAYING the game!

Mark, when I was referring to being “abandoned”, I was referring to him pulling me close, then abandoning me when he refuses to let me into his life. But, either way, your point is well-taken, and I hear your message to me.

Thank you all so much…this is a major reality check.

I love that analogy Anita! I am going to remember that. He actually told a few of his “best friends” but they are not the ones that he spends a lot of time with (because they live around 30 min away, as opposed to his wife’s family who live on the same street). But, I have only really met and spent time with one of them, who we happened to run into somewhere. As for the single status, he took it down after I voiced disappointment. I actually do not know if he thought I would see it or not because I rarely sign onto those social media sites. He said he did it more to establish his independence from his ex, as opposed to thinking about how it affected me (see a pattern?). But, regardless, he still did it. He works closely with his ex on helping their son … He said he just doesn’t want to introduce me to all those people because he is nervous if he does and then decides he doesn’t want a relationship, it won’t go well. Clearly he is an overthinker and overanalyzes.  There is no doubt I have been a valuable support for him…he will tell you that himself. He says he knows what he has in me…

He is distancing himself even more now the last few weeks, which is exactly what my therapist said he would do. He was furious that I was upset about the status situation and said he almost ended it with me right there and then. He has threatened that before when I have expressed to him if I am upset about something. Apparently the term is “gaslighting” when they turn it around and make it your problem/fault.

As I sit here and read what I am writing, I am baffled as to why I am still there…

Thank you Mark and Anita… I appreciate your insights.

Mark- I see what you are saying and I think that you are right…there is also a saying, “we are treated by others they way we allow ourselves to be treated”. Sometimes it is good to hear it from objective people, because it puts it all in perspective. My birthday is this month. He has not given me a card ever – nor celebrated with me. We have a lot of fun together but I feel like everything is coming to a head now that his son is sick…kind of like where the rubber meets the road. We have gone go back and forth from my knowing his intimate secrets and being there for him on such a deep level to being abandoned by him and living in the shadows. I feel (finally) like there is a lack of integrity and serious misalignment in this. And, I don’t want to abandon him right now, but then again, if I am not important enough to him to be fully a part of his life then maybe it should not matter to him if I leave or not. I guess I would find out…

Anita – I wish what you are saying was true, however, his reluctance has to do more with his indecision about whether he wants to be in a committed relationship. He is very close with his ex’s siblings and they spend a lot of time together. So, I understand it may feel awkward for him to introduce someone new, but I feel it has been long enough that he could send the message to me that I am worth the risk of any negative fall-out (however, I would be hard-pressed to think that they do not assume he is seeing other people after being separated for three years).

For some reason, his changing his “status”, although as silly as it sounds for someone in their mid-40s, really hit me because he changed it TO single just a few weeks ago. It was not like it was always single and he just forgot to change it. I felt it was a slap in the face to how unconditional and supportive I have been. I felt bad for bringing it up during this especially difficult time, but I felt paralyzed being able to be there fore him from here on out without saying something.