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Ed

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  • May 6, 2016 at 9:07 pm #103838
    Ed
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    I have a therapy session booked for a few days time with someone who specializes in aspergers and relationships so hopefully that will help. I’m not convinced this is about some childhood issues, if I could go back and change things there’s nothing that I can think of or stands out to change.
    I appreciate what you have said and welcome any other advice and comments you could give.
    Me and my ex have a complex 8 year history that I guess I hadn’t got over despite starting a new relationship and the time that had passed.

    May 6, 2016 at 7:28 pm #103817
    Ed
    Participant

    I think I was/am fairly accepting of how things were/are with my parents, I have no memory of wanting more affection or closness.

    Maybe “full spark” isn’t the correct phrase, yes connection is part of it but it does feel like something is missing.

    I have decided to go back on the medication I was on before to get through this as the last few days have been quite messy and the “being shot” feeling has only increased and I don’t want to get as down as I did after the break up.
    I still need to keep moving forward with myself.
    My current girlfriend just believes that my depression has returned, which is half true, she is very stressed with the finalization of her divorce and about to move house and probably couldn’t cope with me being hung up on my ex.

    Writing at 3am is probably not the best thing to do as I’m very probably wallowing in self pity.

    May 6, 2016 at 8:29 am #103747
    Ed
    Participant

    I can’t say I’m particularly close to my parents, infact I know we’re not. I still love and care for them but we rarely discuss feelings and the like. I believe my mum has aspergers or ocd but she dismisses it.

    My new girlfriend is a lovely person, non judgemental and understanding probably because she’s a nurse. We rarely have any conflict but depth aside I don’t have that full spark it’s very hard to put into words.

    May 6, 2016 at 4:04 am #103725
    Ed
    Participant

    In terms of a bond, we both agreed that we touched each others souls and that there would always be a link between us, it wasn’t just love talk or being mushy but many truly heartfelt deep conversations and I believe that’s why she has been in my thoughts every day no matter where I was or how happy I was, not constantly, sometimes only for a few seconds but she was there.
    My current relationship is a good and happy one and for some time I didn’t look to the future as we were both healing and living day to day. I wouldn’t say I was unsatisfied with it,we both enjoy each others company, had holidays together and generally spend a lot of time together but I could never love her with the depth of feeling that I had for my ex, maybe because of how I feel about my ex or it’s just how it is, I don’t know.

    I am painfully aware that my ex has faults and it wasn’t all hearts and flowers, that’s why we were on and off again near the end, she would never admit she had faults even when we went to relationship counselling. Leaving her was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and now she has finally admitted she does have issues she is now with someone else, that really hurts.

    I apologise if what I say is disjointed but trying to type on a phone isn’t easy, I hope it makes sense.

    May 5, 2016 at 9:51 am #103634
    Ed
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply Anita.
    I believe you’re right in some respects, I didn’t want to know for because I knew how it would affect me.
    I do truly want her to be happy and I suppose it makes me sad that she has finally admitted she has issues and doing something about it but never admitted or tried when she was with me.
    All through this past year and a half I never stopped loving her despite being in a new relationship and I guess deep down I hoped that one day maybe years from now we would end up together, which I know is very unhealthy.
    My current relationship is good and stable (something which I need with my aspergers) but I don’t know if I can see a long term future in it, she is recently divorced and never wants to marry or cohabit again, we basically helped each other through the pain in our breakups, there is love there but it’s not as deep.

    Is it possible to have a bond with someone that will stay with you forever?

    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by Ed.
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