Hi El!
In case this applies to you since it seems like you care a lot about others, psychologists like to understand and help humans (or animals). However I started to notice in life, you can give troubled people all your patience, kind altruistic efforts, and psych/life advice BUT there comes a very frustrating/sad point where it is only up to that troubled person to take in how much he/she willingly wants to absorb and apply it to his/her life. And if you keep pushing when you get to that point, it is only going to make you more mad since your efforts are in vain unfortunately. It makes the other person get more angry, which leads them to get more blinded from the actual problem at hand. (I’m a psych major too! 🙂 but I’m switching out from it)

Here’s an analogy.
El sees a man who has fallen. El reaches her hand out to this man to help him up but the man does not grab onto El’s hand. El keeps pushing her hand out, over and over and it begins to frustrate El that this man is not accepting/recognizing her help.

Outcome 1. The man gets more angry at EL for continuing to push her hand out in front of him. They start bickering, El is saying “Just take my help.” while the man saying “I’ve already shown I don’t want it.”
Outcome 2. The man does not even realize there is a girl next to him helping him up. He’s stuck in his own world.
Outcome 3. The man gratefully takes El’s hand and gets up.

I guess by putting yourself in both shoes of these people for each outcome of this simplified analogy, it might help your confusion/frustration. Outcome 1, once the two start bickering they forget the first initial problem at hand. The man is on the ground and needs up. Outcome 2, it leaves the girl frustrated because her helpful actions are not even being taken in by the fallen man. Like said previously, there comes a point where help needs to stop be given if it is not going to be taken and there comes a point where a hurt person needs help but they need to realize it themselves. It does not reflect bad on you if you give help to someone who can’t recognize or doesn’t take your help. It is not necessarily bad if you keep trying to offer your help but I hope you see sometime it is best to stop offering; you did your best. Outcome 3, an expectation most people have but if it is not met, it can be frustrating.

“He doesn’t open up that much and I feel as if the opportunity arises for him to get some things off his chest, it would he a good start for him. You know? What do you think?”
I want to branch off of what anita was saying and your responses, which obviously show you are very considerate, especially towards this guy. However, are you holding any expectations for what this guy might say to you? I think it’s great you want to give him that opportunity, the opportunity to get in touch with himself and grow from it, but it might be difficult for him to give you that 100% honest response you want, so in other words, you might not get that honest response/expectation (if that is what you wanted). People, especially girls I personally noticed, have this tendency to want a guy to get in tune with their thoughts and feelings. It might make him too vulnerable and ashamed, even though whatever he is feeling is human. He might not even consciously know what is internally bothering him so much.

Also, see it as a learning experience for you because as a good person, you can really get exhausted by situations/people like this. It may seem odd because you might feel like you are “leaving someone behind” or “you could have approached it better” or “you could have tried harder” but that’s not the case. I started seeing a therapist because I got so hurt, confused, and frustrated by these unstable people I got close with. Basically all of this advice comes from personal experience that was then picked at again by a lady who has made it as a therapist for 10+ years. Besides everything I’ve written, one of the other major things I have learned from an experienced therapist is when you want to help these people, you have to learn when to jump out of their world. You can rub off on them but unfortunately they will rub off on you too. You generally want them in your world if you are helping them and so you are making the choice to go into their world for a bit to get them out. They need to make the decision to jump into your world like how you did for them.

Hope it helps! Good luck!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by A.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by A. Reason: more points

Hi maria0122!
Hi I am 19 and feel very similar to how you are feeling. I recently started birth control for the first time and feel very different on it. I do not know if it is strictly the birth control, natural hormones, or a combination. How long have you been off birth control? Because it could take some time for your body getting back to its usual self, however I am no expert about that so it’s just a suggestion if you want to explore more with your doctor or something 🙂
You said you have become more emotional, especially around your period. That should just be hormones/PMSing however if what you are saying is that your period mood symptoms got worse, is it perhaps you are a late bloomer? Because it could just be your hormones are kicking in more. I am a late bloomer and never understood why in middle/high school periods were so intense for some girls. Now I am starting to see at age 19 (more irritable, waterworks while watching TV, never got cramps but will get them once in awhile now)
You talk about how blessed your life is. That’s wonderful you recognize and feel that! 🙂 However, are there any small stressful unresolved feelings/situations you have in your life? I noticed for me it makes my PMSing sadness/madness worse if there is something worrying me. If there is nothing too bothersome then I suggest just watching a heartfelt movie/TV show. It just gets those feelings you have no idea why you are feeling out. My roommate and I used to have movie nights strictly to cry to when we were feeling stressed/emotional about silly stuff we couldn’t really control ya’know haha.
Oh, also you mentioned you get insecure and having your worst downs when you are in some sort of relationship with a guy. Getting close with anyone, especially with someone you are romantically interested in, takes a lot of trust since you begin to allow yourself to be vulnerable. I do not know about the guy(s) you’ve allowed yourself to get close with but two things pop in my mind that are very big building blocks of this topic.
1. “You need to love yourself before you can love someone else.”
It is very okay to not be 100% confident with yourself as long as you aim to eventually get there. It is a constant struggle everybody experiences. But it does very much interfere with getting close with people if you are insecure with yourself. Insecurities ruin everything. Your perception is your reality so if you have many insecurities, the more things will bother you. When it comes to a relationship, insecurities make you go on defensive mood since you might constantly feel peoples’ words/actions are threatening you. Unstable people are often more focus on themselves anyways since they are trying to find anyway to comfort themselves. That is not something ideal for a relationship.
Being single is not a bad thing; it gives you time to build the relationship with yourself and learn/understand yourself 🙂
2. Are the guys you are getting close with respect you?
Deep down inside you are probably a good person, most people are. But if the people, especially guy(s) you are interested in, do not view you that way, their opinions are going to rub off onto you the more you stick with them. So if #2 is the case, I want you to really think, the way your family/close friends treat you is it similarly to how these guy(s) treat you? Ideally guy(s) you are interested in pursuing a relationship with should not just be boyfriend quality but friend quality first.

I hope that has helped and made you feel better! If you add anymore detail I will try my best to respond to it if you would like 🙂 Best of luck!