Hi Mishika,

I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner, but the notification was in my spam folder so I didn’t realize your had posted. I appreciate your input very much, and I read the article, and other articles referenced on that website, and it has helped my peace of mind already.
I went for counselling and will be going again, and he’s agreed to go too, which is positive. I’m looking for healing for my own troublesome emotions which are manifested in a lot of physical pain. I can’t see him opening up about his own emotions, which he’s been
keeping buried for, I suspect, most of his life. However, we both wanted this to be our last (and hopefully) best relationship, and I’m willing to work on that – he says he’s willing too, but whether he’s capable of it might be a different story.

Anita, there is no chance I’d use alcohol or sedative etc. I do take an antidepressant and a sleeping pill prescribed by my doctor. Thanks for replying again, Decima. I didn’t disclose all the details of this situation because you might think I’m crazy. I doubt very much that I have the strength to end the relationship. I’m 64 and have chronic disabling pain, so it’s not easy on a number of levels. My problem is how to be at peace with his lifestyle and try to make myself happy while living with him. I need to find a way to detach from the outcome, like Buddha does. and be at peace. I keep expecting him to change and I know that’s futile and just breeds resentment in him.
I’m always the one to make things happen – even something as simple as watching Netflix together. Or playing Scrabble, or going to karaoke. He told me that if he makes a suggestion I won’t be interested, but that’s not true. He’s never made one single suggestion since moving here. He just seems to be a very passive person. And, when irritated, very passive-aggressive.
So, the past two nights, instead of suggesting something, as soon as he starts playing his phone game or putting on his headphones and getting immersed for hours in sportsnet, I retire to the bedroom to have a bath, read my book, etc. I’ll wait for him to reach out to me and suggest we do something together…. I doubt that will happen because he never does come to the bedroom to find me. When he’s alone and doing something escapist, he’s in his happy place. And that alienates me, but I’ll just have to get used to it.