fbpx
Menu

Sylvia

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Breakup 20 years ago and "wrong therapy" #128023
    Sylvia
    Participant

    Hi Ian. Your story resonates with me because I’ve had similar issues although my ex didn’t break up with me or cheat. I’m very sorry for your pain. I also have childhood issues that are rearing their head in my current relationship. First of all, congratulations on quitting drinking. I am going to start therapy for my childhood trauma. It’s specifically called trauma counselling and the therapist has to have special training and experience in this. It a takes 12 sessions and I understand that it actually rewires the brain to no longer react to the memories and ease the lingering effects of PTSD. It’s very hard work and requires a lot of courage, but I’m hoping that my chronic depression and anxiety, and getting stuck in relationship problems, will all get better. I’ve also found that keeping a gratitude journal helps, as does mindfulness meditation. I hope you’re also attending an AA group. I really think the 12 step program is very useful, but again, you need to do the work. Best of luck.

    in reply to: Feeling lonely and angry and helpless #121053
    Sylvia
    Participant

    Hi Mishika,

    I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner, but the notification was in my spam folder so I didn’t realize your had posted. I appreciate your input very much, and I read the article, and other articles referenced on that website, and it has helped my peace of mind already.
    I went for counselling and will be going again, and he’s agreed to go too, which is positive. I’m looking for healing for my own troublesome emotions which are manifested in a lot of physical pain. I can’t see him opening up about his own emotions, which he’s been
    keeping buried for, I suspect, most of his life. However, we both wanted this to be our last (and hopefully) best relationship, and I’m willing to work on that – he says he’s willing too, but whether he’s capable of it might be a different story.

    in reply to: Feeling lonely and angry and helpless #120697
    Sylvia
    Participant

    Anita – yes, on reflection, you are right. That will take a bit of work for me to accomplish!

    in reply to: Feeling lonely and angry and helpless #120668
    Sylvia
    Participant

    Anita, there is no chance I’d use alcohol or sedative etc. I do take an antidepressant and a sleeping pill prescribed by my doctor. Thanks for replying again, Decima. I didn’t disclose all the details of this situation because you might think I’m crazy. I doubt very much that I have the strength to end the relationship. I’m 64 and have chronic disabling pain, so it’s not easy on a number of levels. My problem is how to be at peace with his lifestyle and try to make myself happy while living with him. I need to find a way to detach from the outcome, like Buddha does. and be at peace. I keep expecting him to change and I know that’s futile and just breeds resentment in him.
    I’m always the one to make things happen – even something as simple as watching Netflix together. Or playing Scrabble, or going to karaoke. He told me that if he makes a suggestion I won’t be interested, but that’s not true. He’s never made one single suggestion since moving here. He just seems to be a very passive person. And, when irritated, very passive-aggressive.
    So, the past two nights, instead of suggesting something, as soon as he starts playing his phone game or putting on his headphones and getting immersed for hours in sportsnet, I retire to the bedroom to have a bath, read my book, etc. I’ll wait for him to reach out to me and suggest we do something together…. I doubt that will happen because he never does come to the bedroom to find me. When he’s alone and doing something escapist, he’s in his happy place. And that alienates me, but I’ll just have to get used to it.

    in reply to: Feeling lonely and angry and helpless #120184
    Sylvia
    Participant

    Thank you very much, Decima and Anita, for the time you took to respond to me. He has never gone and would never go to psychotherapy, although he did say he was open to going to couples’ counselling.
    I do find that I’m criticising him more than ever – I’m like a pot that boils over and it’s all frustration. I realise that it just makes matters worse but it would be very difficult to stop doing that and suppress my rage.
    Anita, thank you for shedding some light on his behaviour. He doesn’t come across as anxious, but quite easy-going, but I suppose his behaviour is indeed linked to anxiety. After he moved here, I discovered he had lied about a number of things, and one of them was that he had quit smoking many years ago. He was smoking behind my back and lying about it, and when I busted him he admitted that he’s an addict. He did quit last spring for fear of losing me, but I guess he has an addictive nature and all the devices he needs every moment has probably replaced the smoking.
    Decima, I did have the courage to leave a miserable marriage after 21 years, forfeiting all my financial security. I was hoping this would be the last and best relationship of my life. It’s heartbreaking.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)