Hi Eddie,

I’ve definitely been there, and sometimes still find myself feeling this way. It has taken me a very long time to dig myself out of that dark cycle. I started meditating years ago when I simply couldn’t take feeling that way anymore. It offered some relief and although I wasn’t sure if it was going to last I kept doing it because it was a great alternative to medicine (which I had tried but never seemed to work). The best thing is to go talk to someone. It’ll help you find out WHY these feelings keep coming up and WHY you keep pushing people away. I think that’s the first step to getting over this (and you definitely can). It will take a lot of time, effort, and dedication to get through it but one day you’ll come out on the other side and be astonished that you were able to get to such a good place. Anytime anyone tried to get close to me I kept pushing them away and would eventually push them so far that they didn’t come back. Slowly I started letting people see the real me, and trust me the one’s who really care about you and believe in you will stay around during the dark times, just try not to dump all of your feelings onto someone. Friends are there to help you through the good as well as the bad, so it’s totally okay to let someone know you’re not feeling right. But you have to get help, because you’re just going to continue doing this to others but more importantly to yourself. I’m sure you’re in such a place where you can’t even imagine feeling any other way (I’ve been there), but I am living proof that IT GETS BETTER, you just have to put in the work. So your first step should be to set up an appointment with a counselor or psychologist, not a psychiatrist. And just start talking, let all that negativity out to someone who is a trained professional. Start exercising if you don’t, start eating right, start meditating, once a week, and then try doing it more often than that. Throw yourself into things, lose yourself. I promise it will get better.