Forum Replies Created
August 28, 2017 at 6:53 pm #166026
Nothing wrong with having vein reason for wanting an office. If you feel you have put in your time and are qualified for an office desk then you did the right thing by asking for it. But I hear some wishy-washy head chatter in your words. You’ve twisted your own words and made going after what you wanted a bad thing.
The reason you want the office is because you believe you are deserving of it based on your merits. You want the benefits of what having a office brings. But you don’t have the conviction as to why you want the office hence you can’t defend your desire. You haven’t made your PROS list for getting the office out weight your CONS list.
Which do you want more?
Improved company status & reputation Or Feel more isolated and on your own.
This is the internal struggle you have to resolve so your mind, heart and actions can align in getting you what you desire.
Things that might be keeping you stuck:
1. You think too much of what others think. Your expecting a change in trust, respect and confidence from others as a results of the office. These are things you can’t control. You can only control the status it gives you with the company. How others interprete that status is none of your business.
2. You compare yourself to others too much. Comparison is an act of violence against yourself.-Iyanla Vanzant. You are comparing yourself to others with little or similar merits as you. Its made you jealous, wanting what someone has vs going out and getting it for yourself. I think you maybe disappointed in yourself because you made the office request out of mixed emotions- (jealously, frustration, anger, etc) vs mixed emotions- (excitement, self-respect, self-worth, happiness, etc).
3. You self sabotage your efforts by feeling bad for wanting something you strongly desired. You made wanting to gain company status shameful. So you should be ashamed from wanting to climb the corporate ladder? See how that makes no sense. Is that why we work, to grow where we are planted. You’ve made growth apart of your CONS list.
I think you will get the office but you need the second batch of emotions in order to feel worthy of the office. I think your energy was just off according to your own standards thus making you stuck thus lacking confidence. Weather you get the office or not, get back in alignment with your best self and displaying that at work.
Hope this helps 🙂August 28, 2017 at 4:54 pm #166018
Sounds like you are in a painful place and I’m sorry you are going through it. I wanted to give you some perspective on the situation.
Based on your own emotions and how you are internalizing the break up you did the right thing by not accepting the 2 Guys advances. Weather it was bad timing or you were just not interested, you knew well enough not to engage so quickly in a romantic relationship.
But from the Guys perspective, they did what any guy would do if they wanted to be the shoulder for their grieving girl crush. Like you said they probably were looking for their opening and they took it. They desired to be the Guy to help you heal and to put a smile back on your face. You can’t fault them from trying to step to the pretty girl with the sad face.
Even with that said, whats matters most is that you protect your heart right now. And you did just that. Letting these Guys know that their advances was not wanted, makes it clear that nothing romanticly can come out of the relationship. This sets the tone that the relationhip can only be in the “friend zone.”
The reasons why you may be feeling guilty is 1. you knew they liked you on some level before and should have shut down those feels long ago and are frustrated that you have to do it now, when you are feeling at your emotional worst or 2. you care about these Guys as individuals and value the relationship but hate to be a heartbreaker, even as your own heart is breaking 3. you let your honesty mean that you did something wrong.
No one knows the depths of your emotional pain. Don’t expect others to understand your pain right now, it indescribable. Give the Guys grace for trying to “be there” for you although not welcomed. They would have never known unless they asked, so they asked, you said No and now they know. Release your guilt because you did nothing wrong but be honest. No one can ask any more then that. Put the focus back on where it belongs which is YOURSELF. Seek Gods face on how to heal from the relationship. Ask for wisdom on how the break-up is for your good. Medicate on the lessons learned from this “completed relationship.” If you are not doing so already, actively pray for your Ex that God will be his heart healer and comforter. I’m sure he’s probably in bad shape as well.
I’m sure you’re probably sick of hearing this but… You’re Going To Be Fine!!
Even though its not true today take comfort that it will be true in the future!!
Hope this helps 🙂August 12, 2017 at 6:25 pm #163670
We all want to be believed but its more important from those who count. This Downstairs Neighbor dosesn’t count. You’ve expressed to him the noise isn’t from you and thats all you can do. If you think the Man is unstable and may due harm to you if given the chance, you need to block off all communication. His disbelief in your words/actions doesn’t nullify your truth. Actually you’ve went above and beyond to keep your noise levels down and the Man has no clue about that. And even with all that adjustment you’ve made, you are still being accused of something you are not doing. Is this what’s really bothering you? Being accused with hostility.
Can you clarify or give an example/context of when you were fearful with others? Is your mindset around trust issues?August 12, 2017 at 11:53 am #163632
One of my virtual mentors always says. “Its OK for people to be wrong about you.”
Why does it bother you that they were wrong about you?
Even though they were wrong, you made the right decision for yourself to leave.
Thats all that matters.
No one failed you.
No one owes you anything.
No one took away your job.
No one made you quit.
You were wise enough to make that quick decision.
But what if you had stay at the job? Who would you be?
By looking in the rear view mirror of your life about this incident, your mind gets confused: Past Me vs Today Me.
You did everything right and left the job, went on to get new job, travel and just be awesome (anti-victim actions). But by not honoring those past decisions your not honoring how those decisions made you the woman you are now.
Things had to happen the way it happened in order for you to have your experiences thus making you who you are today.
Luckily you got to see the true colors of “those types of people” early in life and know better how to deal with them. Its a disappointment that you saw their true character and that sucked but it truly has no significance in your life today.
Think you will be more then fine and just need to process all this and take a strategic approach to fading those comments from your mind.August 12, 2017 at 9:35 am #163606
This is my first ever response on this forum, so here it goes.
It sounds like the comments traumatized you. Traumatized because they were deeply offensive, you’ve actually internalized them and over the past 5 years have made them ingrained in your belief system. How do I know this? A thought you think over and over again is a belief. You’ve chopped and screwed these words in so many directions in your mind that they are alive and well. To be clear the comments made by senior partner are long gone but in your mind they live on. Somehow you’ve made those words about YOU and who you are as a person vs seeing that those comments reflected more so on the person who said them.
Here is the truth. Anyone can say anything they want to anyone at anytime for any reason. Welcome to the human experience. Of course some words in saying them come with consequences, most comments do not.
I think your shame maybe based on that you were not able to stand up for yourself in a way that would have made your feel respected and dignified. But the only problem with this line of thinking is that its highly untrue. You showed up and showed out for yourself in this incident but didn’t acknowledge it for yourself.
You said: “if the other partner had stood up for us, I would not feel this way.”
This is your mind trying to change the past. This is such an injustice in your mind that your trying to hold other people accountable for something they can’t change. On the other hand you’re not giving yourself any credit in how you handled yourself in the situation. You said you left the job immediately after the incident. So why do you also say that you were punished for something you didn’t do? Are you saying the “comments” were a punishment (not true)? Or that you having to leave the job was punishment (also not true)?
By leaving the job immediately you showed yourself:
You haven’t put any value in your response to the incident. You wanted someone else/partner to valdate your feeling. As adults we are fully capable of rescuing and vindicating ourselves without the help of others.
You said: “An injustice has happened and they got away with it.”
What exactly do you think they got away with? Senior partner can say whatever he wants. As a result, the firm loses a model employee, You. Why isn’t that enough justice for you? Because you left the firm, you also released yourself from anything to do with the firm and how they discipline their employees. Maybe the senior partner was reprimanded and maybe not, either way it doesn’t matter. You already seeked justice for yourself but leaving. These are brownie points you are not giving yourself.
You have a belief issue around these word. They are not going to go away anytime soon. But I want to offer a suggestion in turning that belief around in to positivity for yourself.
Moving forward everytime those “comments” pop up in your mind, respond to the thought out loud…..
“That’s not true about me, I love, respect and care about myself.” This is the new thought you need to replace those comments with.
Think of this objectively, your mind in 5 years has a PhD in making these comments have meaning to you. Now you have to undo that command center of your brain and create new programming. And while you are at it you will start to release resentment and bitterness for your past co-workers. You may need to work on forgiving them if you feel that’s important to you. Professional counseling maybe a solution as well. Overall, you need to acknowledge that bad situations happen to even good people like you. You can’t change the past, but you can change your outlook for the future.
The best question you can ask yourself is, How does/did this incident benefit me? (weather you realize it or not ALL things work for your betterment)
Second best question, Whats my next best step in helping me heal? (take a course, talk to a mentor, get counseling, get a life coach, read books, attend a conference, etc). Heal yourself through intention action.
Hope this was helpful. You have the power to change your mind, literally and figuratively. 🙂