Forum Replies Created
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Angie –
Have you made any promises to your husband that you would not cheat on him? If so, you aren’t doing the right thing carrying on in the relationship with your ex. If you haven’t made any specific promises or agreements regarding other relationships than you should do what you feel is best for you. Understandably being in a sexless marriage is no fun, and listening to complaints doesn’t make the day any better either; however, the suffering for both you and your husband can stop – today, right now. You can choose to stop suffering as it truly is optional. We choose to suffer, to mull, to stew. It takes just as much energy to move our thoughts into a positive motion. Instead of “Ugh, he’s drinking soda again?” Think, “That’s his choice, I choose to continue to love him, I am not attached to changing him or making him be the person I want him to be. I choose to love him exactly as he is.” If you don’t love him, or choose to love him, then it is perhaps time for you to part from your husband – but if you choose to love him, then stop being attached to him being any certain way. Choosing to love means choosing every part of the person, that doesn’t mean you need to accept any consequences on your partner’s behalf, it can mean putting your arm out and holding distance while continuing to choose love. We can never demand love from another, it just doesn’t work that way – we can accept a person’s love when they choose to love us.
It seems as though you are also suffering due to the relationship with your ex as well. The thoughts, the texts, the longing….all suffering, the short term reactions might feel good, but the morning you don’t receive the text that says “Good morning beautiful” – how will it feel? Will it be agony and wondering until you hear something, know something? Suffering – it’s optional.
If I were in your situation I would think about my agreements and promises made. Think about the type of suffering I am enduring, and opt for a life of concious, logical decisions not based on emotions and I would stop having any attachment to the way things should be – rather create positivity and light with every word, every action and every thought.
FionaLight –
I think most of us can relate to what you are going through, at least to a certain extent. I know I certainly can. I have felt many times as though I am the only one in a group of co-workers who desires and attempts to complete my work with integrity. I believe that if we choose to have a job, any job, we should show up, do good work and be grateful for another day of being able to make a living. I know that most people just don’t think that way, they take advantage of the systems, office politics and destructive behaviors that only make the environment more sour.
My answer: stop being attached to things having to be any certain way. If people are showing up and being lazy and using politics or gossip for an edge up – is it really worth it? And – is that REALLY an edge up? In the scope of the universe what significance does that edge have? And – are you willing to sacrifice your integrity to be promoted, or to be percepted as one of the crowd? So – stop being attached to the thought that you need to be liked. Being liked isn’t necessary, it can be a pleasant thing to have, but it is not necessary. Stop being attached to the thought that you need or want or deserve a promotion. You may have done good work, and acted honestly but that doesn’t mean you DESERVE a promotion – our suffering comes from believing we DESERVE, we WANT, we SHOULD. Stop believing what the world tells us, stop being attached to what the world wants us to believe and make up your own story…I am worthy, because I am. It’s okay if people don’t like me, I don’t need them to. Happiness is something I create and I am responsible to maintain. I need not be attached to anything, especially words and perceptions of others – they simply don’t matter to our universe. Be good, do good, act in kindess. If you want to feel good, do something good for someone else. Stop focusing on the chaos at work, start focusing on what you can do to serve someone today who will never be able to repay you.
If all of the above fails…remember this, you are at your job to make a living for YOU (and your family if you have one). Do what is BEST for YOU. If you really believe quitting is best, and you can afford it that is your choice; however, the true spirit inside would grow greatly if you held your head high, worked and walked with integrity, and acted in kindness. No one ever needs to notice, it’s really okay if they don’t – what is important is that YOU know YOU are doing the right thing.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.