Thanks for your reply Anita!

You are right I am having a hard time regulating my emotions but I am trying my best. I am trying my best to pause before I react angrily.

I even brought a book which talks about all the feelings/emotions last week. She keeps reading only one book.

I already told her these books will help our family to regulate our emotions.

I expect perfection from her and its hard to accept her imperfections I guess.

She lacks respect towards us.

Thanks for your encouragement Anita. I started walking since last week but then I stopped as my periods started.
I am trying my best. My little one is giving me a tough time. I remember I told you the same thing during last year at this same time. Its been overwhelming and i couldnt stop crying since yesterday night.
She’s becoming extremely stubborn day by day. I am trying best not to angry or yell at her.
She goes to bed by 8.30-9pm but doesnt wake up in the morning. Its a struggle. Most of the days she throws a fit.
No matter how much we do its never enough for her. She keeps saying mean things like we are not fun or boring.
My daughter is obsessed with my neighbors daughter lets call her T . I hate it. I kept my ego aside and I am still maintaning friendly relationship with my neighbor for the sake of my daughter. Like I said before, since last year my neighbor became extremely busy with her other set of friends. She used to say no when we used to invite her when we went out. My daughter used to tell me that I am lying all the time and other mean things.
During Ramadan, we didnt go out much as my husband was fasting. I took her to carnival/fair last Saturday and we had great time.
We came back home tired then she started asking about T. I told her they went to egg hunt. She started crying saying mean things like you are guys are not fun I wish I had gone to egg hunt with T blah blah and I told her politely not to say mean things when you are upset. Then I sent her to Ts house inspite of saying no as they had friends coming over to thier house. But still she went and had played with her for 7 hrs. I told her to come home and then she started throwing a fit and gave me an attitude. She did the same thing when I sent her to the Ts house last week. She came home and started crying and yelling. I got frustrated and yelled too because she did the same thing last week. I gave her a consequence this time that she is not allowed to go to Ts house for atleast a month which she agreed to.
She behaved nicely after then it lasted till Monday.
Since my blood sugar was elevated and doctor advised me for exercise. I have been asking my husband to accompany me for walking starting this week.
My neighbors also go for walk in the evening. Since she stays home and doesn’t work. She cooks early and they finish the dinner by 7.30.They invited us to join for walk on Monday at 7.30. I didnt eat my dinner but still tagged along my husband and kiddo but i came back very tired as I didnt eat my dinner early.
Yesterday I told my husband that we will go for at 8pm after finishing dinner. He agreed to it. As i go to office everyday and come back at 5. I relax for one hour. But since I thought of going out for walk , I started cooking at 5.30 and i was able to finish cooking by 7.30. So, i thought we will eat and go for walk at 8pm. In the mean while my neighbor called us they are going for a walk when my husband and daughter were in car. My husband called me I said we cant go at 7.30 but will go by 8.Then my little one starts throwing a fit again that she wants to go walk with T.My husband asked if its doable at at 8pm. They said no as T bath time is 8-9pm. I wish they could give bath to her before 8pm. My neighbor is pretty adamant when it comes these things related to hygiene. My little one refused to go on a walk and we stayed home. I felt bad we cant we do simple things because of her. she has a say in everything we do and I hate it. Even going to restaurant is big struggle she likes the bland food we like indian food.
It makes me feel like I lost my freedom and sometimes its hard for me.
She damages things and splashes water all around the countertops.
We do listen to her and buy what she wants and I expect her to listen to me. We both are emotionally available to her. She disobeys all the time and I am getting frustrated/angry.
May be I am not capable enough for parenting because of my childhood trauma.

Thank you Anita! You look beautiful 💙

lol thanks 🙂

Thanks for your suggestion Anita. I will look into it. Now a days I dont have the motivation to do anything. I just feel so tired. I got my blood work done to see what’s going on.

I dont want to be a very strict parent but at the same time I dont want to let loose.

I think about too much about everything but then I feel so lost.

I have come across reddit group about indian kids brought up in America rant about their Indian parents like they are so strict.
They dont get to wear what they want or drink alcohol/ do drugs but they get to do it when they leave to college. I have also seen comment from a kid where he left his religion because they were so strict. How do they dont fit in with thier peers because they dont drink. Some even stop talking to thier parents.

My parents weren’t that religious but my peers used to scare me that if I dont obey GOD he will send me to hell. That has really impacted me when I became an adult. It has haunted for me years and still haunts me. Sometimes I feel like I cant be myself and at the same time the fear has helped me to stay from alcohol/drugs. I feel like I dont want to scare my kid in that away. I want her to stay away from the things that I dont like. Like wearing clothes which exposes thier body parts, drinking alcohol, hook ups and all these things. I dont know how to do that without scaring her. I feeling like moving back to India.

Thank you for sharing your experience Anita! I have been eating healthy food and I am feeling better. Then I go down hill. Its hard to keep up with the diet. For its mostly the SPICY food that triggers my gut.

I have been working remote once a week. I feel like my ocd/anxiety acting up on these days. I feel good when I go to office as I am surrounded by people.

I feel like I dont like my own company or staying alone because of this anxiety.