Change your doctor LOL

I don’t think she can read or write in English, although she understands it to some extent.

My parents’ generation was brought up very differently. Women were often confined to the four walls of their homes and weren’t encouraged or given the opportunity to receive a proper education. Men of that generation were often raised with patriarchal beliefs, which led many of them to be misogynistic and controlling.

lol I am using chatgpt to refine my english. I am sometimes insecure about my English as its not my native language.

It’s the number one point.

I’m not sure if they are visiting us. We were expected to visit them since they bought a new house couple of months ago.

I’m not sure if I mentioned that old issue here. When we bought our house in 2022, my MIL insisted that I call my co-sister to tell her that we had bought a house. She also expected me to give my co-sister a house tour over a video call and in person. My MIL gave her special importance when they visited us for our housewarming ceremony in the US in 2022.
Same thing repeated in 2025 but I am able to bear it anymore.

But when my co-sister recently bought a house, I wasn’t given the same attention. She didn’t even inform me or invite me. That triggered me alot.

I told my husband that I’m not going to entertain these double standards and that I’m not attending their housewarming ceremony. My husband is okay with it. I also told him that I’m going to confront my MIL about this double-standard behavior when she visits us.

I’m so scared of confronting her, and my OCD is making it worse by scaring me with all the worst-case scenarios.

Hi Anita,
How are you doing ?
My in laws are coming to US and OCD is back again.
Its driving me nuts

I am doing OK.
Oh, no thats a disaster :(. I would be so mad if my kitty did that.

Got it.

What you’re describing isn’t just about your mother-in-law—it’s a pattern your mind falls into when something touches a deeper fear: being sidelined, compared, or not valued equally. You saw a similar loop with your friend last year, and now it’s showing up here. That doesn’t mean the situation is trivial—it means your brain is very sensitive to perceived imbalance in relationships, and once it locks on, it replays it.Let’s separate a few things, because right now they’re tangled together:

1. What actually happened vs. what your mind is doing nowYour in-laws treated you generally well.There were specific moments of unequal treatment (rooms, attention, expectations).You chose to go along to avoid conflict.That last part is important: you didn’t “fail”—you made a protective decision in the moment. Now your brain is rewriting it as “I should have said no,” which creates guilt and rumination.

2. The real trigger isn’t the jewelry or the room
It’s this feeling:“I’m expected to give more than I receive, and I don’t feel equally respected.”That’s a valid emotional reaction. But your response has swung to the other extreme:From people-pleasing in the moment → to self-blame afterwardFrom avoiding conflict → to mental over-attack on yourselfNeither is actually giving you control.

3. Why you feel “stuck” setting boundaries
You’re trying to set boundaries retroactively, inside your head. That never works. Boundaries only exist in real-time behavior.Also, right now your definition of a boundary is too loaded. You’re thinking it has to be something like:“I refuse to do this”or “I confront her directly”But most healthy boundaries are much quieter and less dramatic.

4. What would a realistic boundary look like here?
Not a confrontation. Something like:If she asks about jewelry → you briefly show it and move on, without over-explainingOr: “I’ll show you later” (and maybe you don’t)Or simply not volunteering information going forwardA boundary is not about fairness. It’s about what you choose to participate in.

5. About the “special treatment” imbalance
You’re not wrong to notice it—but trying to “correct” it is where the suffering comes from.Family hierarchies (especially with elder sons, etc.) often come with built-in favoritism. You likely won’t change that dynamic. The more useful question is:“How much do I want to emotionally invest in their approval?”Right now, it’s a lot—and that’s why it hurts this much.

6. The rumination loop (this is the part to interrupt)
Your brain is doing:Replay → “I should have…”Compare → “They got better treatment…”Self-critique → “I couldn’t even set a boundary…”That loop feels productive, but it’s not solving anything. It’s just reinforcing the anxiety.When it starts, try something very concrete:Say (mentally): “That decision is already done.”Then redirect to a present action (even something small like washing dishes, texting someone, stepping outside)You’re not trying to “win” the argument in your head—you’re exiting it.A more honest reframe of what happened:
You were in a social situation with power dynamics. You chose harmony over conflict.
Now, with distance, you wish you had acted differently. That’s not weakness—that’s hindsight.The real shift isn’t “I should have said no back then.”
It’s:“Next time, I’ll respond a little differently—even if it’s just 10% more honest.”

This is what chatgpt told me LOL. I just pasted the thread thats here from last year.