It looks like all my existing beliefs are triggering my anxiety.

Yesterday I recollected how I felt in the past. It reminds me of my college days.When i stayed in dorms I had a roomate who started ignoring me when she met her new friend.I didnt like the new friend of her at all.So I felt bad but was never angry with her. I thought may be I am introverted and I talk less thats the reason why people leave me.I would still talk to her we are still in touch.But now thats not the case I talk more and as a family we are more outgoing.Now I feel like nothing is wrong with me.Its just people evolve and grow then leave me.

I felt better when I read the article.But the author tells that both of them grew apart.In my case its my friend who caused the distance.Its not me.I feel like i was still the same and I didnt hang out with others.She is the one who hung out with others and caused the distance.So I am still mad at her.

Its approved now. Are you able to see my post ?

HI Anita. I just added a link from this website and it says This post is awaiting moderation.

You put it up so well.

OCD is not a friend. Living with OCD is.. living with an enemy. Yes I feel like OCD is my enemy. Its hard to live with all those voices in my head .

OCD is separating you from yourself (telling you that you are not good enough), and it is separating you from others (telling you that others are not good enough).-This is so true. Its not allowing me to be myself.

it feels like too much trouble to have friends, too much anxiety, so I understand that the quick solution that comes to mind is to not have friends anymore!-Yeah its exhausting because of my OCD and other factors like inviting them home cooking , cleaning .

I understand. Possible solutions: make a friend or two who are not Indian? Also: if you could meet a friend for coffee in a coffee place, or for a walk outside, you could have time with a friend without having to cook for them.-lol..its hard for me to meet a non indian because of my social anxiety as I am introverted too. There is vast cultural difference. I dont drink/some and I eat only HALAL food. There isn’t much common thing to do I guess. The other I was  thinking to make friends with the parents of my daughters friends and see how that goes. I want to focus on myself more. Like learning new hobbies or spend more time with myself/family. 

OCD is an enemy in the ways it affects you, although its intention is good: it is trying to protect you, to help you solve problems.. but it’s misguided, it’s not logical, not sensible, it’s impulsive, it jumps to conclusions. So, it ends up harming you again and again.-This is so apt.

“Earlier, I was ok with people not making me their top priority,(that)  and I accepted the fact people change over time. This time it’s getting hard to accept. I am just filled with anger.“- for a while you were okay with people not making you their top priority.-This is not for a while .This has been happening since childhood. When I look at my past or since I started schooling. There were so many friends who were so close with me in the beginning and they would leave me when they found new friends. I never left angry or obsessed about it. I would just let it go. I am unable to let go of this friend. I dont know why I am obsessed about her. Its so annoying.

I guess that whenever you feel that you are others’ low priority, you get (naturally) angry, and sort-of demand (at least in your own mind) that they make you their top priority, trying to over-compensate your hurt feelings.–This is so true. I just imagine my having conversation like demanding that person in my head like how we used to be best buddies and we always hung out together. I did it once during Jan. I politely told her I felt ignored by her or like how our friendship has changed. She started blaming us that we didnt invite her which is not the case. I think there is no point in asking this time because she would get defensive. I have to accept the fact she has changed. 

On top of that. I expect alot from people I guess. I expect them to make me thier top priority friend.

It feels my brain is seeking validation from other others. My self worth is defined by others.