Hi thespencer,

Love can really bring out the worst in us – from both sides. Love that is needy (I need him, he needs me for whatever reason) is really tough to deal with. You both needed each other in the past for support and encouragement and now this person has let you down. Did he sleep with you because he loved you? Probably not but here is the thing that you need to think about – moving forward without him in your life. He is a teacher, he has taught you a lesson and now you need to begin your life anew. You will meet many people like this in your life – some will have a positive effect and some a negative one but they all have a lesson to teach you.

You are on a Buddhist website, so hopefully you will read some articles, quotes about life/relationships that will begin to inspire you. Instead of Xanax, why not try some meditation? Or exercise or do something good or kind for someone else. It will make them happy and maybe you will start to smile again. Because you will smile again.

Take care, stay open and be wise.

Shaheed,

Breaking up is always hard, especially when it is our first love or someone that we feel so attached too for such a long time. I would suggest that if you are interested in understanding love from a totally different perspective that you read a few books by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist Zen monk who talks about love without attachment, selfishness or desire. In the West, we are caught up with the fairytale “Mr/Ms. Right” which is not what true love is really about. Thich Nhat Hanh explains all of this beautifully and if nothing else, he will offer you some insight about relationships which you have never taught about before.

I leave you with one last thought – true love must start with you loving yourself first. That takes a lifetime of work but unless you begin with yourself, you will walk around this world half asleep which most people are doing.

Take care and be wise.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by zenkoans.