“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown
This weekend, I devoted an extensive amount of time to writing something I’ve been struggling to complete. I wrote and rewrote so many times that it felt like more like destruction than creation, but I’ve come to realize that chaos is often the path to clarity.
There were times when I knew it could be beneficial to do something else, clear my head, and come back to it with fresh eyes, but a part of me felt this drive to push through and finish.
While eating dinner with my brother last night, I recognized I wasn’t really listening to anything he was saying. I was still thinking about my unfinished project, and somewhat sucking the joy out of it with my perfectionism. But I knew I’d be leaving Massachusetts soon, so I was wasting precious time.
Then everything went dark. The power went out on our entire street, and it stayed that way for more than two hours. Suddenly it was futile to think about writing because I simply couldn’t. All I could do was see my brother by candlelight and be there, in empty space with him. Sitting in the darkness, playing 20 questions and surrendering to the now, I felt free.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have good intentions of being present–and there are times when you are. But other times, you struggle with your mind and a nagging need for control. Mindfulness is not an easy proposition. Unwanted thoughts can easily sneak in and snowball before you realize the grip they have on you.
Sometimes we need to create our own blackouts–to imagine how we’d experience the moment if we literally couldn’t do anything about the problems we haven’t solved yet, or the memories we haven’t released yet, or the battles we haven’t prepared for yet.
Most of the time, we can’t. We just don’t want to accept it.
Any isolated moment can seem so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but we don’t get to know when the moments will run out. Every moment is precious time. Open your eyes and see.
Photo by zeze57 the Tourist