Tiny Wisdom: Rebuilding Trust After Being Hurt

“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.” ~Irish saying

An old friend of mine felt betrayed by her boyfriend, but chose not to leave him. Instead, she made him pay for it over and over again.

Through subtle digs and less subtle slights, she repeatedly expressed that she felt contempt for him. But instead of forgiving or walking away, she stayed behind a wall of resentment.

Soon he started responding in kind, until their relationship became a container for mutual silent bitterness. It was two people sharing a suffocating space, overwhelmed by the weight of everything they didn’t say.

I suspect many of us can relate to that feeling of clinging to a grievance. In at least one of our relationships, we’ve felt angry and indignant, and despite wanting to forgive, we just couldn’t.

I know I’ve been there before.

It’s not easy to forget when someone breaks your trust, especially if you fear it might be broken again, but holding onto doubt is a surefire way to suffer.

Little hurts worse than the suspicion that someone else might hurt you.

This isn’t the kind of thing you can just brush off through positive thinking. You can’t make yourself feel trusting by telling yourself you should be, or rationalizing away your feelings.

The reality is it takes time and effort to trust again. It takes the courage to acknowledge how you feel and willingness from the other person to hear and honor it. It takes a mutual commitment to move beyond what happened instead of reliving and rehashing.

But most importantly, it requires you to believe in the goodness and positive intentions of the person who hurt you.

You have to believe someone can treat you with respect and consideration—even if it takes you a while to get there—or else you’ll never let your guard down. That’s a painful place to be.

The thing about being defensive is that everything becomes a battle, and no one ever wins.

Of course this doesn’t mean we can ever know for certain that someone won’t hurt us again. The only way we can know if we’re able to trust someone is by first giving them trust.

That means we need to ask ourselves: Is this relationship worth that risk?

Is it worth feeling vulnerable?

Is it worth forgiving?

Is it worth letting go of the story?

And if it’s worth it, what would it look like to give trust, starting right now?

Photo by Carlos Varela

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

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  • Angel Evelyn

    I think it really comes down to trusting yourself. What you project and what you think? manifest. So if someone has hurt you really badly, you either have to make a decision to totally trust them again or move on. The one person that you really need to love is yourself. You have to love yourself more than anyone else and nothing is more important that your happiness and inner peace. I have to say all  of our lives are just a story though and even the worst pain won’t matter eventually. It’s all in the moment..the pain.The pain is just a thought… I went through what I thought was a terrible betrayal at the time..but it was a gift in reality because it made me wake up to myself and realize I had never in my life trusted anyone or myself for that matter. I realized I needed to trust myself. I forgave the person and that person is now my best friend. You will always have yourself..everyone else is a projection of you. If you see the world as beautiful, bright and friendly that is the way it will be. If you see it as dark, cloudy and unfriendly that is the way it will be. Life is too short to be unhappy or feeling resentful for even for a minute. This life is truly a gift.

  • syk1004

    Although I believe in the laws of attraction that what you project you’ll receive back…sometimes the true moment of clarity is realizing that what you feel for someone is not exactly what they feel for you. And figuring out somewhat-exactly how that person loves you and the depth of that is the deciding factor to leave or stay. However, ‘love’ isn’t always enough as when trust is broken, something fundamental is lost forever, and attaining it back can be a battle with scars and heartbreak that may not be worth the jaded bruises it leaves behind. For instance, long ago, I’ve stayed with a (repeatedly) cheating boyfriend believing that the vows of reformation would hold validity, hope and promise…but I know that at the end of the day, I should’ve walked away much earlier than I have.

  • Gram11612

    Trust has always been a problem for me. I always wait for the other shoe to drop. I always felt that “this is to good to be true”. I am a person that can be trusted to his dying breath, but the significant others in my life couldn’t hold up their end of the bargain. They both strayed on me and the betrayal shattered me. I expected loyalty in return. I have to create a story of my life, that it is what I am and will continue to be so. I am loyal to myself and that is all that matters. Really.

  • syk1004

    I know what you mean about the “too good to be true”. I guess when all is said and done we can only change ourselves and honor the promises we keep to one another.~

  • smerk

    Love is unconditional.  Trust is not.  Yes, we need to trust, but we also need to be cautious in giving our trust.  Cautious is not the same as being suspicious.  Not everyone holds the intent of our highest good.

  • Hi Lori,

    I don’t know if I got it right, but it looks like your friend’s boyfriend didn’t really care. He wasn’t looking for forgiveness, IMO. In such cases I believe the best thing is to move on.

    “Instead, she made him pay for it over and over again.”

    This is a mistake, I bet in the end she was the one who paid double “over and over again”.

    I believe trust is earned, and if you can’t trust someone you’re in a relationship with… that’s not a relationship to begin with.

    Great post as always! 

  • Dana Stough

    this is what i was looking for today. thanks 🙂

  • Tracy

    Seriously are you living my life this week?? Often posts seem to come at appropriate times but this week it is downright eerie. I finally had to comment because it’s like you are in my head and know precisely what issues I need addressed. For which I am extremely grateful!For my situation, in my head and deep down in my heart I know letting go is the right course of action because there is no “willingness to hear and honor” from the other person, only defensiveness and denial. But still I feel sad and guilty about giving up on someone who I once believed in and a friendship I valued. 

  • Ya, “they” say that holding on to resentment and anger and lack of trust and all that stuff does more harm to ourselves than to anybody else. Still, some days I don’t want to be grown up about it at all; some days the memory of the betrayal comes up and wants to be heard. It’s tough to let it all go forever, but…. one day at a time, maybe that will work. So I say to myself, maybe if I can’t truly let stuff go yet (I add “yet” to encourage myself to move on… as IF that works ;), maybe I can at least focus on the lessons learned from what happened. Yes, the lessons. That focus distracts me a little from the betrayal. A little more each time it comes up. I said “I forgive” but some days I doubt if that’s true because it doesn’t feel that way. Rebuilding trust seems a hard road, but it’s probably worth it.

  • What if it’s yourself you mistrust because it’s you who hurt yourself?

  • I really like the questions for ourselves at the end of this post, especially “Is this relationship worth that risk?” It can be hard to put ourselves out there, be trusting, and possibly get hurt again. With some relationships/friendships, the risk for me has been worth it…and sometimes it hasn’t. There’s a fine line between being trusting and protecting yourself.

  • PositiveRealist

     This is so true! Love unconditionally yes, treat everyone fairly and with respect as you would want to be treated but do not hand over your heart, your money or your trust to just anyone as I have learned the hard way that there are plenty of those out there who, whether they do it intentionally or not (they may have a mental disorder or something), do not reciprocate and perhaps pretend for a time, such as con-men, and opening yourself up to just anyone can be downright dangerous.  My biggest life believe is that we should be grateful for others’ love and strengtts and encourage and help them with their weaknesses.  Sadly, manipulators and certain others do nothing but take advantage of our strengths and manipulate and guilt-trip us over our weaknesses exploiting both to their own advantage which can leave you very disillusioned with mankind.  Guess when this happens we just have to remember it is not our fault and keep loving and forgiving ourselves and others but what can be our fault is being blind to the signs and setting not setting reasonable boundaries whilst being a fair and loving human being.

  • I have been in that position before and yes it is a hard situation to deal with but not imposible to handle. it is worth stepping out of, once you have accepted the facts, you can understand, to later forgive and be able to forget…  awesome feeling when letting go, with the mind and heart opened to new posibilities!!!!

  • trudy

    i know exactly what you are saying and feeling. somedays I can’t get it out of my head and other days flow by with nary of twinge.  it gets better. but i don’t think it goes away.

  • Erin

    Considering this feels scary. And good.

  • I agree with you regarding the law of attraction. I think our thoughts/actions *influence* what we receive and experience, but there are other factors that come into play. Knowing when to walk away is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes it’s the best way to take care of ourselves. It took me a long time to learn this lesson!

  • I’m glad this came at a good time for you Tracy! I’m sorry to hear about your relationship. I know how hard it can be to walk away. I’m sending good thoughts your way!

  • Same for me, Sage…sometimes it’s been worth it, and sometimes it has not. I feel like somewhere inside, I’ve always known when it’s been time to walk away…I just haven’t always listened to my inner voice. I think I’ve improved over time though!

  • I know what you mean about letting it all go forever. The other day someone told me forgiveness isn’t something you give over and over again, but I disagreed. I’ve found that for some of the greatest betrayals in my life, I’ve had to forgive on many different occasions. Some days I’ve felt healed, and on others, wounds have reopened (by memories, or little things that triggered me). If I take it one day at a time, forgiveness (and consequently, trust) feels much easier.

  • Thanks so much Rod!

    I think he wanted forgiveness and cared at first, and he didn’t want to walk away; but over time, because of all the hostility, he started developing resentment. 
    I know this far more easily said than done, but I think we need to either stay and forgive, or walk away–it never works to stay, and stay angry.

    Well said, about trust being earned. I feel that was about respect, as well!

  • You’re most welcome. =)

  • Do you know why you hurt yourself Tamara? I formerly hurt myself a great deal, and I didn’t trust myself. It took me a lot of therapy to get to the root of my issues. If you’re able to see a therapist, I’d highly recommend it!

  • Kiasunray

    I too, am going through the same transition this week. It’s a very painful experience. I’m accepting the lessons learned from this relationship and applying then in real time.

    I hope the other part was able to gain positive reflection from this experience as well.

  • Thanks Lori. And haven’t we been there, all of us… what a challenge!

    Personally, I have never been able to make an emotional situaiton about a situation like this. Meaning, I could try to decide (to forgive or to walk away, or even both) but it would never bring the inner peace I was hoping for. What has been helpful, again and again, was to allow time to do its work. Because what would typically happen, eventually, was that I would be taken into a situation where I really was able to understand the person that has hurt me — because I found myself in her/his shoes. “Ah, so this is how she/he felt back then… now I understand. I could have done the same thing……” .From there, forgiveness was instantaneous and lasting  And from there again, trust in life as such.

  • Thank you for sharin that Smerk.

    It’s my impression that when we think we trust someone it’s not real trust. Rather, it is an expectation that they act in a certain way, or not to. In other words, we have convinced ourselves that we really know what the highest good would be at any time, and then we “trust” that the other person will do what we expect them to.

    I do believe there is such thing like unconditional trust — and that is based in our trust in life. In trusting that whatever life brings – including things that we do not want or wish for from others – comes to us for a reason and will become a gift along the way.

    This does not in any way contradict what you say – just an additional perspective.

  • lissa

    I’m exactly the same way….waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of things in my past it’s really hard for me to trust. I eventually do trust only to realize that I should not have let my walls down….then I’m mad at myself. I too could never lie or cheat…if you truely love someone you don’t do those things. People who can do that to another person should be honest with their feelings and end the relationship before they hurt the one their with. I myself could not hurt someone like that…if I’m not happy….I’m honest about it..and if whats making me unhappy can be repaired, great..if not….it’s time to move on. I hope that eventually I can stop waiting for the other shoe to drop but its hard to think positive when you continue to be betrayed. Your post helped me a lot…it feels a little better to know that I’m not the only one always thinking “this is too good to be true”….so thankyou

  • Louisa Truth

    I really liked this post. The questions at the end were just what I needed. Sometimes it’s easy to get so caught up with yourself and how you’re feeling rather than looking at the bigger picture. It’s a brilliant perspective on this difficult subject. LT x

  • I’m glad you found this helpful Louisa!

  • James

    Someone just broke my trust, and coming from a history of fater and stepfaters who has broken their promises to my mom, I find it exceptually difficult trust this guy again, even though he has promised not to hurt me again … But I will try my best.

  • Camille

    Same story. I know this dude is my other half, but an instance (or a few) of a breach of trust wants to remove that knowledge, forcefully throw it on the ground, and stomp it.

  • Gaja

    Loooooove what you say!! Thank you, it goes perfect with what I am feeling in this exact moment…just what I needed to read ♥

  • Karen

    A little over 9 months ago, a friend of mine betrayed my trust. Big time. Friends and family have told me to move on and leave him in the past. They’ve vilified him to a point where I no longer feel comfortable telling anyone that I feel otherwise. The thing is, he was the first person I wanted to trust and open up to. So yes, his betrayal hurt more because of it. But I can’t find it in myself to cast him aside as some awful human being. I’ve started forgiving him and I actually don’t want us to become strangers again. I want us to become friends again. Am I worried that he’ll hurt me again? Of course. But do I want to work through it? Yes. Because I never felt so strongly about any one person upon meeting them. Ever. So despite this great betrayal that hurt me more than anyone else has before, I want to give it another chance and I want him to know that I’m willing somewhere down the line. Does that make me weak? Does that turn me into a doormat?

  • ms g

    I BELIEVE IN HONESTY ND TRUTH. Even when it something u dont want hear. I learn from mistake i made. I feel if we didnt have llessons even ir lf hurtful we feel nothing . For me pain and loss trust to someone i lesrned that it wasnt there fault but mind. Once i acceptedvthat it was easy let go and trust

  • Cheyenne

    I think that makes me felt better because me and my boyfriend broke up and no I wanted to hurt him but this makes me say I should just let it go and forgive him bit if he annoys me then he will not be spoken to and he not be answered or taken to because he is a piece of sh**

  • Rosita

    I am so glad to be on this site today in other to express myself to the world because i made a promise to Dr.olikipa that if he grants me my heart desire that i am going to make sure that the world knows about his powers.. My lover left me nine weeks ago after searching for solution all over i came across Dr.olikipa and i was convinced with what i read about Dr.olikipa. So i contacted Dr.olikipa for help, With my greatest surprise my lover came back to me within 48 hours.. Once again don’t forget Dr.olikipa contact details which are i am so glad that i met you.

  • mickey mouse

    I am going through a very painful phase of my life. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and it has been crazy from the beginning. And also we have a two year old son that adds more crazy to the equation. Point is, he has cheated on me. twice. long time ago, not physically, over the internet. Of course I have never been able to fully trust him again but at the same time I know he will not hurt me again.

    The worst part is that it has destroyed my self esteem (which has never been really high anyway) i compare myself to everyone without even trying, I have no confidence, I despise myself completely and I dont know how to fix it.

    Now he is amazing and our lives are finally comfortable after a lot of struggle, but I cant be happy around him. I am always jealous, always thinking hes doing something that will hurt me, I check his emails, phone everything. He changed his email password and I almost had a heart attack. His ex coworkers (girls) made me so angry all the time and I found out he still talks to them which made me incredibly angry.

    Im just rambling and going crazy and Im sorry I just dont know what to do, I know the drill, I have to love myself, let go, focus on myself, etc etc. I dont know how to do that. I dont know how. I tell myself everyday to let go, that I will be fine, that I will be positive from now on. Still nothing. I think about dying all the time because I dont see a way out and I dont even know if i want one at this point. I just want it to stop. I really love him, and he is great to me. Not the most romantic guy in the world and he does mess up, but sometimes he makes me very happy and I dont want anybody else.

    I convince myself to break up with him and I try to do it, but then I flip out because thinking about not having him in my life makes me sick. Thinking of him with someone else makes me sick. He is my best friend in the whole world. He is the only one I can really truly trust and talk to. But I am breaking it and i dont know how to stop.

    If you have any advice that would be nice. I dont expect you to read the whole thing I just wanted to let it out because I felt I was going to explode. Not much of a difference but at least its out.

  • Hi there,

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. I can only imagine how painful it’s been to try so hard to move on but still feel stuck. And I know how tough it is to rebuild trust after it’s been broken.

    Have you considered seeking outside help, perhaps by seeing a therapist or going to couple’s therapy? Sometimes, when you’ve tried everything and still struggle, getting some outside assistance can be the best thing. Because really, it’s not a matter of sheer will–it’s a matter of getting to the root of the underlying fears and beliefs that make it so hard to move forward; and then figuring out the best choice for you based on what you find out.

    If you’re not open to seeing a therapist or couple’s therapist, I’d recommend taking some time to explore what goes through your head when you feel jealous/mistrusting. When you understand the thoughts and beliefs that trigger the feelings, you’ll be able to challenge them.

    You are in my thoughts…


  • Joe


    As the offender, I broke trust multiple times. I had a lot of demons from my past that I was unwilling to acknowledge; they ultimately led me to act in ways that were angry and vindictive to people in my past that were really quite insignificant to me. It culminated in me sending several text messages to another girl that appeared like I was trying to cheat on my fiancé, which is something I’d never do. I then tried to cover the whole debacle up, but joked about it to friends, another immature move on my part. For the last 12 weeks, I’ve seen the light so to speak and have completely changed who I am, finally living as the person that I want to be and that my now girlfriend deserves. I am trying everything I can do to regain her trust because I love her and want to work it out more than anything, but she still doubts me and struggles daily with what I did. I just want her to be happy, but I know I can make her happier than she’ll ever know, so I’m looking for any advice you might have on how I can help her to get over what happened? She doesn’t believe me when I tell her the truth about why I did what I’ve done, and she still thinks I’m this monster that I’m not. How can I show her that I’m not that monster, that I’m genuine and that I just want to love and support her, and only her, for the rest of our lives?

  • Hi Joe,

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I imagine it’s quite stressful to have learned this lesson, but to not have regained back her trust.

    I know this is likely not what you want to hear, but I think this is the kind of thing she’s going to need to do in her own time. And if you try to force her to trust you/get past this sooner, it may just push her further away.

    I think in these types of cases, the best thing you can do is be honest, express remorse, and then let her know you respect her right to make peace with this in her own time. The very acting of allowing her whatever time she needs is, in itself, a sign that you are someone who can be trusted to honor her needs and feelings.

    I hope this helps somewhat. You are in my thoughts!


  • sandrico suave

    This article peaked my interest because I am in a three year relationship where there has been no forward movement, even after the man I am with promised me (with a promise ring two years ago) that he wanted to take our relationship forward (and laid out a “plan”).
    I gave him a year, not talking about “anything” really, except one time I asked where we were headed to be shut down by him. He took me on a fancy weekend getaway an hour from our home one evening this past February, and I thought he was going to propose, but that didnt happen. I was sorely disappointed and really confused. I didnt understand.
    So, I’ve tried to talk with him about how I am feeling and he gets angry. I use concrete incidents such as him wanting to purchase land by himself, or take trips to visit friends by himself and not include me, or working on his 401K and not wanting not opening a savings with me to explain why I feel the hurt I feel. He listens, but doesnt provide any confidence to our relationship or acknowlegement of my feelings.
    Its gotten to the point where this last year I’ve stuffed my feelings inside and then at times when I’ve had a bit too much to drink I get “diarrhea” of the mouth – where I say tremendously hurtful things to him. I’ve promised I wont “go there” but I’ve screwed up multiple times. Now he is using my broken promise as fuel for why he’s not working on our future. I have become the blame and it really is affecting me. I have been speaking to a counselor, who is wonderful, but I am struggling with working through the situation effectively.
    I did tell him this morning we need to really have a talk. Its been three years and I will not continue stuffing my feelings in, and then becoming rude/boligerant at these inopportune moments – – I feel awful inside that I’ve went to this ugly place and on the other hand, I feel like I haven’t gotten here on my own. My words have come out by me – I am responsible for this, so I don’t want to give off the idea that I am not taking on responsibility for my behavior. Maybe I just answered my own question, and realize that walking away may be the best for both of us, especially for me. I keep hurting myself (and him) and I just dont want to go there.

  • Troubled

    I’m in a terrible state of mind right now. I have been reading your blog for a very long time now, looking for answers which I can’t find on my own. I’m too stressed, almost on the verge of killing myself, I’m serious. I have been through enough troubles in life but I have never backed down, but this time I think I’ve just lost myself.

    I met this guy in high school and we became friends and fell in love. But by the time he realized he loved me, he was dating someone else. But then he came back to me, we dated for a while and then one day suddenly he went back to his ex without giving me any reason. They were in a relationship for 8 years. In these 8 years, he secretly met me, called me n just kept blabbering about himself and just laughed at my problems.

    He went through a lot he lost his family and was left alone. I was always there for him till the time he decided to move on, but we never talked about his loss. I told him I was going to get married hoping that he would stop me and tell me that he loved me, instead he just laughed. Things didn’t go well and I got divorced around the same time his girlfriend of 8 years dumped him to marry another guy.

    We got back together and then he told me that he was always in love with me, and that he used to call me just to hear my voice and never said a word. He told me that he never loved his girlfriend, but they did have a physical thing thrice as per him. They didn’t go as far as sex but they got intimate.

    Now we are together and I feel so angry n upset that he chose her over me, then he stayed with her for so long when he never loved her and then they got physical and now he wants me to accept all of it and forgive him n move on. It’s not at all easy.

    I love him a lot I always have but this thing that he chose her over me doesn’t let me forgive him. I understand the pain he went through when he lost his family and that when he tells me that he didn’t want to live but when I bring his gf in the picture I don’t get why was he with her not me? Why he still kept being with her when he didn’t even love her and he knew all along that I loved him? How do I forgive him?

    Now, we are married, but I still keep thinking of the things he has told me from his past relationship. It just ruins my day, makes me angry to an extent that i just stop talking to anyone and go into this dark corner. I don’t know how to get out of this mode. Now, that we are together I should be happy, that’s what I thought when we decided to marry each other, but still I feel so bad and I keep feeling this way every other day.

    I keep comparing things that we do now with the things he did with her. Sometimes, I just hate myself so much. I see no logic in the things he tells me, his actions have always been completely opposite of what he told me he felt about that ex. In some way I think I don’t trust him. He is not doing anything now to make me feel bad, its just that I constantly keep relating to everything from his past.

    I wasn’t so sad and angry even when we were not together for 8 years, I never used to think about his gf and never wasted a second of my life on her. I was a very positive and a happy person under every given circumstance. I have struggled a lot on my family front, have had a very difficult relationship with my parents due to other reasons. Now, when it is time for me to be happy about the fact that I am with the person I always wanted to be with, I’m still not happy.

    This is making me crazy. Is it so difficult to forgive him? Should I even forgive him? How can I trust him? Will I ever be able to trust him in life?

  • lallala

    Learning to love yourself in a healthy way and taking care of yourself is the most valuable life lesson one can ever experience.

  • sunshine

    I’m just confused on what road to take. My husband has cheated on me twice which had me in therapy…debt. Fter the first time, I forgave him..the second time I as pregnant and while questioning him he made me feel like I as cry and called me crazy. I forgave him and we are now married. He never takes full blame. I am lays partially to blame…its either I spoke to my ex on the telephone or because I was hormonal when pregnant. Something happened the other night on Facebook and it upset me so much. I admit that I m like Nancy drew and look for stuff and since I married him I should trust him. But sometimes I don’t cause of stupid things like what happened on Facebook and when I questioned it He told me k me th ing and the girl a waitress we met a few nights early told me another story. He said she requested him as a friend and as he said he requested her. Then he told me I mke stories up in my head. Thay he loves me nd our family…that He never wants to give that up. I have been so depressed cause I don’t know what to believe. There want any inappropriate comments. Just him thinking her for waiting on us and taking care of our son. None of it say well for me and I don’t know if Im reading to much into it. She has a boyfriend, baby and. 7yr old son. I just wnt him to understand He would feel the same way and of course he doesn’t

  • Butterflygirl

    Lori I always enjoy your wisdom. The person who broke my trust was my son…repeatedly. With arrogant condescending attitude, violence and verbl abuse. And a few times just betrayed me. He is 31. The last time he was verbally abusive I just told him I would be glad to hear whatever he has to say but he must speak respectfully to me. I did not hear from him again for over 18 months. After he had a near death accident and called me. While he did not come out and acknowledge his behavior he said he knew he had hurt a lot of people and he said he wanted to move forward to have a good relationship with me. With great nervousness I traveled a great distance to go visit him. We kept it light but I felt a new softness in him. He then told me he had some money he wanted to invest and he wanted to do something for me by giving me a large sum toward a down payment so I can buy myself a home in exchange for getting the house when I am gone or getting his investment plus 1/2 the increase if I sold it. He also asked me to manage a duplex for him that he would pay me a stipend to do. I was a nervous wreck before visiting him..aksing am I a flool to even put myself out to see him but I did because even though based on his past behavior I want to give him another chance. Accepting his gift I see could be a wonderful thing for me and a wonderful thing for him..maybe a way to give back to me. I will need to move anyway in a few months and he has the liquid assests but it seems a little fast. But I guess each step we take toward that will give me the information I need to know whether i can really trust him. He will put his money where his mouth is ( no pun intended) or not. Right now, I am nervous in this unknown place. We have not talked much about “US” or our feelings. He also asked me to help him manage one of his duplexes for a small monthly stipend. It would take some time from my already busy schedule so he would pay me a small stipend. These are opportunities to jump right in and see just how much he has changed…or am I walking into a trap? I am seeing the pros and cons and am ending up confused.

  • JB

    Hi everyone, looking for some advice since I have really
    no one I can trust that will give me good feedback.

    My story, I married a great man 5 years ago we now have 2
    daughter’s. When we met, we connected and had a lot in common. Two years go by
    and one day he left his email open so I looked into of course. I saw that the
    1st year we got married he was reaching out to women on Craigslist. I asked him
    about it. He said he was upset at me because we had gotten into an argument, so
    he needed it. I was a bit confused about it and did not understand how that
    would fix it. He said he was sorry and he has changed and would never do
    anything like that again. He stated he never met up with any of those women
    because they did not reply back to him. So I forgave him and moved on, well
    couple of months go by and I receive a call from him but I was at work so I let
    it go to voicemail. So I decided to hear the voicemail before I called him to
    know what it was about. The voicemail was him having sex with a women, he butt
    dialed me :(. I did not come home that night because I did not trust myself
    around him so I stayed at a friend’s house. The next day I went back home and
    we talk it through. He said he was sorry and was not thinking. He said he did
    it because I was not giving him affection (hugs + Kisses). I explained to him
    that I was still trying to recover from the news I found a few months ago. (Keep
    in mind this whole time we were making love, so it not like I completely shut
    him out). I stayed with him and said I would forgive him and go on with my
    life, I could of easily left him, but I decided to work it and be a women of my
    word, I gave vowels and will stick to them.

    Year goes by, and we patched things up and I came around
    to love him and forgive him. One day something told me look in his phone… so I
    did I found out he reached out to another women and met her at a hotel near his
    work. I confronted him about it, he lied and said he met a co-worker nearby there
    for lunch, and I told please do not lie. He then told yes he attempted to meet women
    for sex. I told him we need to talk over dinner one on one. That weekend we had
    dinner and he came up front about everything. He paid women for sex and he’s
    been with 12 other women. I did not become upset; I was more confused on to why.
    He said had no reason onto why he kept going it.

    We still are together and it been a year, it very very
    hard for me to hug or kiss him. We make love but I do not kiss him. It’s more
    like I am doing it so I do not cheat or doing because I do not honestly know
    why. I had been tempted to seek another
    mate, because I am lonely. I want to kiss and be able to hug him again and have
    that love someone has when they miss someone. I have having a hard time
    attempting to do that. We get into agreements because he keeps telling it been
    a year and why am I taking so long to get over this. When he does that I feel
    he is being selfish, insensitive.

    Talking a year to forgive…
    is that stupid? So I need honest, understanding advised from you all. Should I
    trust and forgive him, or should I move out… I know but I don’t know if that makes
    any sense.

  • purejoy

    Well you can forgive someone but decide not to trust them again. Most importantly trust yourself to take care of yourself. When someone betrays my trust, I forgive them but they will have to earn back the trust. It is uch harder to do the second or more time around. Trust is not a thing to take lightly IMO.

  • Monish Nule

    my best friend broke my trust today what i should do’,, and he just underestimating me on my friends

  • carolyn

    so true.. Nicely said.. Thank you.

  • Austin

    Sounds like that old friend was unforgiving and it spiraled into a relationship like that Roald Dahl book “The Twits”. Quite a stressful path.

  • Egodeath Godmaster

    Does anyone have an experience where a loved one that broke their trust could be trusted again? That opening up and allowing ourselves to trust after being hurt successfully improved and/or repaired our relationship with the offender?

  • Mark Milley

    I don’t usually buy into this sort of stuff, but it feels so REAL!if you truly want to know if your husband or your wife is really cheating mail dejatech007@gmail. .He is a certified ethical hacker and a systems programmer who can bypass any firewall.he does any job ranging from school record upgrades, email hacks, facebook hacks, whatsapp hacks,text messages,viber. Just name it and it 100% assurance///

  • Dee J Shuler

    What do you do when you are in a relationship with someone who cheated on you and you took them back after forgiving them and they saying they were going to be loyal and change from the way they were cause they love you and one day will marry you. Then you let them come spend nights at your place, spend time together, go to church together, and start getting back in the groove of being a couple again but you notice in the early morning as he gets up to get ready for work he is texting and you hear a text beep back to him and the night before he was texting too but you try to ignore it because you are trying to be trusting again when all along in your head you’re thinking he’s back to his old tricks again but you don’t say nothing because you tell yourself you could be wrong he could be checking his messages etc. but at the same time you believe it’s a female. Immediately, you want to check his phone when he goes to brush his teeth but you don’t cause you’re trying to really trust again with giving this relationship another go. So you go to work with that on your mind and wondering should you tell him maybe we should slow it down because things are moving to fast or should you be honest and cause him to feel weary about you and your trust issues by confronting him and saying you saw him texting early in the morning, heard the beep of a return text message as well as the phone light up when the new text message comes in, or should you just wait a few more days and see if this continues? What do you do when you love someone who has mistreated you by disloyalty, cheating and in your heart you know he is probably doing the same thing even though he’s being extra loving, extra nice, saying all the things a lady wants to hear, but yet you have no proof he is doing anything wrong yet? What do you do when you’d rather be with him to win him over from all other women and pray he loves you and won’t cheat again. Is it wrong to stay when you broke up before for 6 months and didn’t meet anyone? What makes a person stay in these relationships and give second and third chances? Where does the confusion come from and why is it so hard to give up and throw in the towel and just be alone again?

  • Pauline Sofia

    I don’t know if you resolved this but you’ve been so… genuine in your response to him and it’s sad that he’s continued his behaviour, taking advantage of your genuine desire to stay together. The marriage to him is not worth your own self value. I hope you left.