Dear Anita,

I’ve learned (again) the tough way that I must always analyze careful my emotions rather than taking them with a grain of salt because of my mental health problems. At this point, I have to accept I will likely commit the same mistakes and I think it’s safe to assume that I’m drawn to an specific kind of person. Because keeping things to myself is part of my nature, I can’t count with the benefit of an outsider’s perspective. It’s comforting to think that there’s still a place I can be heard and understood. It helps me to keep myself on track.

You remember my story, everything you said was correct. As for my parents, they’re fine as long as I am fine. I made some progress in the last couple of months, which really pleased them. All credit really goes to the fact that I was in a ‘relationship’, but it doesn’t really matter now. There were times in which I felt really low and depressed, but I managed to keep the front. I find myself feeling a certain disconnect from what I am feeling and how I was supposed to feel. It’s as though my craving for affection has no boundaries.

‘you never learned to trust your emotions. You were never taught what your emotions are about, that they are valid and make sense.’
It’s as clear to me now as it was last year when i was on here. My anxiety is not misplaced, it serves a purpose. The whole time I was investing my time and energy on that last guy I was having regular anxiety attacks. It was trying to tell me something, but I wasn’t/’m not smart and self-aware enough to listen. On a certain level, I always knew. But as I said before, it wasn’t bigger than my craving for connection, for not being being alone, for feeling accepted.

My nature is caring and non confrontational. I’m always the one listening and trying to fix things. If I’m not careful enough, I put others ahead of me. I go out of my way to not hurt people’s feelings, to not come across the wrong way. I don’t even know where I’m trying to get with this last paragraph, I’m just sick and tired of it all.