Dear Sann:

I just read your two posts on this page, not from before. Yes, I thought you would feel responsible for my feelings and I was correct but I don’t know you as much as I could still learn over time.

I recognize in you the strong sense of over responsibility, being afraid that a word you say, an expression maybe (in life outside the forum), any move you make being potentially very powerful in causing disaster for you or for another. Growing up (I call it growing-in) with a … crazy mother does it, we feel we have caused the disaster of her behavior. We get to believe that we have that influence, a bad, dangerous influence, so we think a thousand times before making any move, in fear it will bring disaster… just like it has with her.

This guy you like so much, I assume he was nice to you and to others every time you saw him, predictable, reliable, trustworthy to be the SAME? How refreshing that is, how attractive safety is, safety in predictability and in softness, in kindness… isn’t it?

Can you imagine believing finally that you are not that powerful.. that you were not the one who caused your mother’s explosions and end-of-the-world theatrics? Can you imagine that you can say words, let your face express itself any which way, and no disaster is to follow… not having to be so careful, so cautious?

anita