Hi Janine,

I am new to this forum and I have some experience with this. My ex partner used to say things to her daughter, very similarly to what was being said to you. I have questioned if my ex had Borderline personality disorder or Narcissistic personality disorder. I am not qualified to diagnose or judge that so I will say no more on that topic.

But I used to see how it was draining my stepdaughter to hear ‘after all I do for you’. The girl just wanted to be a teenager, meet her friends, live. She wasn’t concerned with how her Mum does chores around the house and she wasn’t into guessing what needed to be done next. instead, I would urge my ex to make a list of things for her daughter to do, then give her the freedom to do them her way.

I used to do things like you, bite my tongue etc, so did my stepdaughter. My ex would keep going, it was like arrows landing on the person she was talking to, until me or my stepdaughter would snap. Then one of us would say something and it would be all out war. I really hate the dismissive/mocking tactics.

It is not healthy. I tried to talk to my ex about things but it didn’t work. I didn’t think she was a bad person, I loved her to bits, but when she would go into this ‘nobody does anything for me’ mode, it was hard to take as I felt I’d done a lot for her. If I listed the things I did, she would then say ‘you keep bringing up money etc’ and I was only doing so to defend myself. In the end it became draining.

I know how you feel. I hope my post has helped.

Sean.