I can relate sort of, I suppose. ( cyber hug- I may not respond to this post-don’t take offense to it though, I hate sharing on forums,especially this one because once you post, you can’t delete, so you have to be careful of what you say, how you word things,etc) but it wasn’t sexual or anything like that and I didn’t see him everyday.

He is like a father to me though, I respect him so much more than that, I’ve always held him in high regard, for years. It’s hard to explain, most people wouldn’t understand it, I wouldn’t even attempt to explain to others. However, I had been down for the past weeks because I felt like I disappointed him. My mentality is somewhat of an idealist- so it’s harder on me,than it would be for most people. So mine happened like a month or two ago. I couldn’t make sense of it, so I kind of disappear for a while on and off because I need to take care of myself sometimes. For personal reasons ( obviously).

I stopped talking to everybody basically. I got inside my head for a while. I don’t know his thoughts.

I was an editor for a magazine in New York ( intern), I stopped recently, but I do television too,now, hosting or preparing for it.

I hadn’t seen him in years, so, as far as I know he remembers me as an editor at a magazine,, I hope so. we haven’t talked in years. The nature of his work makes it difficult to talk to him, I wouldn’t know where to begin because he works in the industry , so it’s not like I can just walk up to him and start talking to him, or post to his fan page, because he gets millions of posts, I doubt he reads them or would notice, he’s a busy person…..I want him to be proud, at times I beat myself up about it, I care about what he thinks. Other people don’t understand that- they don’t get that, so my process is harder than most, because everyone speaks for me, lol. So I went away because I needed to be alone to process everything ( I do that sometimes). I shut my phone off, face book, everything.

I don’t feel duped though. Like, I don’t know how to feel, if anything– or like… from my perspective, I don’t know anything-which makes it harder to process- if that makes sense.

Not sure though, only advice I can offer you, is you aren’t alone. It’s weird, I still sympathize as I know the feeling. Processing will take a while, and it’s okay to process. I hope this makes you feel better hearing my story, and if you feel alone, you aren’t.