Anita,

This is very frustrating – I wrote you a long reply and it’s now disappeared 🙁 But I wanted to say thank you for your thoughtful response to what I had posted. I have lurked on these boards for a while and I was always encouraged by the balanced, positive replies that people give here, which is what gave me the courage to share my story.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what he may have been thinking when he sent me that email – it’s certainly a perspective I hadn’t considered fully, but that makes sense. Him and I broke up briefly during our first year together, and when we got back together two weeks later he told me that him and his mother had argued because she’d told him that it was for the best that we had broken up – the reasons being because I wasn’t from their country, I’d never live there, i couldn’t speak the language and wouldn’t be able to teach our kids their culture. I now feel this was her making her real feelings known at a time when she wouldn’t seem like the bad guy and I don’t think she expected we’d get back together. With this in mind, when everything imploded this time last year I am sure she would have said she made her real feelings known back then and may have asked him to justify why he got back together with me when he knew how the family really felt – hence, he may have replied by saying because of my background he felt guilty to breakup with me, which couldn’t be further from the truth, especially at that point – he wanted us to get back together just as badly as I did when we broke up the first time.

So, thanks – it certainly helped to read your reply and made sense. People tell themselves all sorts of things to make themselves feel better, especially when they feel they cannot change a situation. My friends and family believe he intentionally set out to hurt me with that email to keep me away. He knows i’m a spirited person, and had I really known what was going on there is every likelihood I would have been on the first plane out to find out why they were doing this. But if you tell someone you’ve never really loved them, you give that person every reason to turn their back and walk away. I’m just surprised that he didn’t realise the impact those words would have on me – they didn’t anger me, they almost destroyed me.

I am currently in therapy and trying to explore the reasons why I feel so unlovable. I just find it so sad that even with every single person I know saying to me that they firmly believe his family are the main reason behind the breakup, I find it easier to believe I was with someone who never truly loved me. When I was with him, I never doubted that love. Sure, I had insecurities, but I never once remember being in bed at night and wondering if he actually loved me or not. He was very open with his love, very affectionate and it felt very real at the time. But I’m struggling now. His words in that email have impacted me in a deep way and I sometimes wonder how long it will take me to be able to fully let go of the impact they’ve had.