I go to the meetups. I do all of the things everyone keeps suggesting. Other people have luck with these opportunities. Not me.
I’m not perpetually angry but I am in day 4 of a 4 day long panic attack that isn’t going anywhere at the moment. But I know plenty of people who are perceptually angry who have someone in their lives. I know people who are fatter and uglier than who are desirable and have love. I know people who are far crueler and angrier than I who have someone in their lives. I know people who are literally suicidal who have someone else who loves them. It is clear to me that none of the above, not being skinny, or attractive or calm or even loving yourself is in any way a prerequisite for love. So why does everyone keep insisting that it is?

The problem is not that I’m angry because angry and abusive people can find someone to love them, even though they don’t deserve it. he problem is not that I’m overweight because people far fatter than I can find someone who finds them attractive (beautiful people, at that). The problem is not that I do not love myself because people who suffer from depression and insecurities and who are suicidal are perfectly capable of finding love. I put my self out there CONSTANTLY I put in all of the leg work but it doesn’t amount to ANYTHING. There must be something else that’s deeply and grossly wrong with me. There must be something about me that’s so glaringly and obviously wrong with me that it makes me less desirable than a wife beater or someone who treats their partner like a trophy or someone who is racist or sexist or a jobless loser or ALL of those other people who are capable of finding love while I’m not. Why else would I have less luck at finding love than all of those people? All of these rules and stipulations people keep throwing around can’t only apply to me. There must be something else, something far worse and far more terrible that makes me unlovable.