First off, congratulations on your engagement!

It sounds like this obsession with your first love is a fairly recent development…it has been mentioned that perhaps the stress you’re dealing with presently could be triggering memories of a less stressful time in your life…you were a lot younger when you got together with your ex, and probably didn’t have all the responsibility on your shoulders that you do now. If that is the case, your obsession might fade when the stress gets less.

Also, there’s the question of what could have been with the ex. It’s natural to wonder about that. As you are preparing to share your life with the man you’re marrying, you can’t help but ask “What would life be like if I’d married the other guy?” Again, once the excitement and stress of the situation gets resolved, this obsession may be forgotten, or at least lessened.

Right now it’s important to sort through these feelings–more importantly, the feelings that these feelings are triggering (if that makes sense.) This obsession is causing you even more stress on top of your already stressful life situation. It’s good that you have been open with your fiance about this. I think that a good counselor can help you sort through those emotions–and it’s a good idea for your fiance to be included in the process as well.

I hope the stress lessens for both of you, and you are able to enjoy your life together!