Yes Anita, I believed them. I still do.

I hear his voice in my head whenever I make a mistake (or more often, just behaving in a way that he wouldn’t approve). Logically I know that I am not an inferior person for making mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with being myself…but it’s still painful to remember those words.

I think what still hurts the most is that at the time I couldn’t stand up for myself….for fear of being abandoned. I believed that I was at fault because I was a bad person, and he was right to point out these faults. I can’t blame myself for behaving as I did.

I am trying to approach memories of him from a place of compassion. He was (still is) a troubled and unhappy person. I hope that he has been able to get help for his problems and grow as a person.

I am sorry that you were abused by your mother. I’m glad you realize now that you did nothing to deserve the abuse and that little girl knows she is safe now.