Dear Hopeful33:

I don’t like the idea of you moving back to that city. I think that the advantages of you moving back there should be very significant, huge, to make it a good choice. For example, if you could get a job there but nowhere else (so it is between being employed there and being unemployed elsewhere), or if your pay in that city would be much higher than elsewhere, and I mean, significantly higher, or the rents there are way lower than elsewhere.

If the financial advantages are not that significant (and you can investigate this online/ phone, finding out salaries, rents, job opportunities etc)- I wouldn’t. Also you don’t have much social support there because if you did, you’d be there already.

So I would look elsewhere. In returning to that city, you will have triggers, you will have the opportunity to see him and his wife (something that may draw you to that city, the excitement of seeing him, and the drama of it all- watch for that motivation, exciting as it may be, not a good idea).

And then there is the other thing… I mentioned to you on the other thread, about how people in arranged marriages cope with it- I mentioned having affairs. This is one way men do manage in arranged marriages, from my reading and corresponding with people- and therefore, the possibility is that you and him will have an affair. And the waste of years that will cost you.

Not a good idea, in summary, is my position.

anita