@Matty
Hey, thank you for your reply. I should probably respond at a time when I’m not really tired, but it’s late so I’ll be brief. What really troubles me lately is how instinctive the fear has become. Whenever I consider any activity that involves other people (unless limited to a small group of close friends) I feel the vice around my chest and my muscles tense up (they’ve also started uncontrollably twitching at times, which I think is stress buildup). Not just a little either, the pressure is overwhelming, and only grows if I don’t back down. But there’s no thought associated with it, it’s all subconscious. Which is troublesome. I’m trying to fight back against it, but there’s nothing to fight against.

@Anita
Both parents were always pleased when I did well, which makes sense I guess? What sticks in my head the most (that is, that I can remember from so long ago) was that they always told me that as long as I did my best I had nothing to be ashamed of.
But I don’t feel like I’ve been doing my best and giving my all. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.