Aschristyseesit,

So much of what you wrote resonated with me. I’ve had social anxiety and general anxiety for as long as I can remember. Sometimes it’s barely there and manageable. Other times, it makes me want to run and hide away. It makes me feel so physically and emotionally ill that sometimes I don’t even know how I manage to go through the motions of life. I can say for certainty that there are spells during which I find myself aggravated, irritated, worried, and upset just about everything. I find myself nitpicking myself and my experiences.

However, practicing mindfullness and taking it one day at a time, has greatly helped me. I still have bad days, but it has gotten so much better that quite honestly, sometimes I forget about how much I used to hate/fear doing certain things.

I agree with Inky in that we live in society that seeks to blame the victim. However, we also live in a society in which it is unacceptable to be happy with one self or one’s life. It seems as though society wants everyone to be miserable. You can’t post a good picture about yourself, or say something without offending someone/inviting them to berate you on how privileged or selfish you are. I’ve seen so many people get backlash over sharing a good moment in their life. One that comes to mind is a man who had lost a significant amount of weight and was happy to share his progress. Some commended him for his efforts, other said he was showing off, that others had done better, etc. Another woman shared a picture of herself while being pregnant saying how she managed to stay in shape and eat healthy. A lot of people were rude and said she was putting her child in danger, that she wasn’t eating enough, that it wasn’t healthy, that she was offending those who were not lucky enough to have the same results etc.

Continually I see more and more people attacking each other for being happy with themselves and their lives. It’s sad that we continuously tear each other down for being happy. We should aim to build each other up, not tear each other down. Sadly, I hear so many people say that, while bashing someone, and then they say they are not bashing anyone, it’s happened to me. However, I honestly mean it.

What I am trying to say is, I don’t find it strange at all that you seem to seek to make yourself feel guilty. I don’t mean that to be harsh at all. I’ve been there and felt that way. What I am trying to say is that it is becoming more and more common for people to blame themselves. I don’t like that at all. Why are we so intent on getting people to hate themselves/make themselves guilty?

I also agree with Inky in regards to being ashamed of my anxiety and then being ashamed because I was ashamed. I’ve felt that so often, that I didn’t know what to make of it, and I just ended up feeling a lot more frustrated.

Yes, you can be that carefree individual you want to be. However, that won’t be everyday. Some days you’ll feel amazing, others not so much. You just have to learn that the anxiety will always be with you, I don’t believe it’s something that will go away completely but it does become manageable. I don’t think it will haunt you your whole life, so long as you don’t let it control you. While you do have to validate your guiltiness and remorse, etc. you cannot let it control you. You have to accept it and try to move past it.