Dear Shirely, Earth Angel:

I support your aim to be “free of the negative inner bullies and worldly critics”

Once we have the Inner Bully, we project it (or it projects itself) into others so we think they are thinking what the Inner Bully is saying to us. So the inner bully gets us directly and through projections into others. Need to be aware when this is happening and say: oh, it’s the inner bully projecting itself, not the other person thinking this (often not, definitely… and really there is no way to read another person’s mind, so it really is the inner bully).

I googled the writer you mentioned. She has a website and one of her blogs is about mindfulness. Copied partly here:

“Steps To Deliberate Life: …everything you do, you do in steps, calmly, and with thought.
1.Calm down
2.Think before you take action
3.Make a list, either on paper or in your mind
4.Do things in order, one at a time
5.Do things for a reason not randomly
6.Stay focused so you don’t become scattered
7.Be and stay organized
8.Be deliberate in your actions
9.Have clear intentions
10.Be patient

For example, before you go out for the day, think about what do you need, take your time, get organized, put things in your bag, put things you don’t need away, i.e. clothes, makeup, etc. The things you are done with. Take your time; think your actions through, slow down.

Before you take a meeting or a business call, what is your intention? Make a list, think about what outcome do you want and why, what you discuss, and how will you respond and why. Know why you are having this conversation and what your end result, desires or intentions are, and stick to only those things that will get you there. Don’t think about or focus the “what ifs” etc. Be deliberate.

Before you confront someone, think it through, know your goal, make a list, be clear, stay in the positive, be direct, think calmly, be specific. Be deliberate. There is a REASON for this conversation. There is a desired intention.

I am finding that acting and living daily from a place of deliberate action and clear intention is really changing my life. I am moving more calmly and less scattered. I am more patient and making fewer mistakes. I am not as nervous and calmer with my children. I am getting more done with less effort, and feeling less pressured and allowing myself to live in the moment more.

Deliberate living with clear intention is a skill that takes time and practice. I want to leave you with one of my intentions that I recently wrote and it is working quiet well in my life. Feel free to use it as one of yours.”

It is indeed a skill to live mindfully. Part of it is paying attention and acting deliberately in regard to the inner bully. Over time of refining this skill, your inner bully will be weaker and weaker and show up less and less often, until one day… who knows? You might be dancing in front of other people with the same carefree attitude as you have when you dance unobserved!

anita