Thank you for sharing, Anita, and Gary. You’ve both been incredibly helpful. I understand better why it takes so long to learn new ways of thinking, and that it is indeed possible to do so. I’ve been saying aloud some positive reinforcements too. Saying or hearing anything positive about myself feels so wrong, I hope I can believe them eventually.

I used drugs previously and they contributed to how I am today. I deeply regret it, and would prefer not to go near anything cannibis related again, but thank you for sharing. It’s a very interesting article, regardless.

I have been in exposure therapy for my anxiety for 3 years, and I’ve been on a waiting list to see a psychologist to discuss deeper causes and CBT. I’ll be meeting her for the first time tomorrow. I’m terrified!
I’m trying to practise Mindfulness more. I’m finding it difficult to stop overthinking. For a long time I thought my trying to plan ahead and think about all possible scenarios (aka worrying) was helping me be more prepared, but I understand it’s part of the problem. If I’m not doing that, then I’ll be worrying about family, or daydreaming. I feel so ashamed. I see they’re all ways to avoid me facing my own issues. I need to be present and start living my life but I’m so terrified, so the cycle repeats. I just need to get on with doing things.

I don’t really know why I’m typing this. I just want to start talking. I’ve told myself I shouldn’t talk for so long, now I’ve started it’s like I have lots of things to say, but I don’t know how to say any of it.