Dear Daniela:

Your question: ” how do you engage with others, who you feel are unsafe emotionally, while maintaining your own emotional safety?”

My answer: Do not engage with anyone who is unsafe emotionally, that is someone who is abusive. If it is a coworker, assert yourself, do what needs to be done to ensure a safe working environment. A co worker may be unpleasant and you have to endure it, but abuse has to stop. If it is a family member, a parent, a sibling, such- avoid contact altogether or see in context where abuse is not possible, such as in a wedding, a big gathering, but not otherwise.

You wrote: “in trying to remain friendly or in contact when choice is possible, it feels like I’m being inauthentic and it makes me feel bad.” It is inauthentic to act friendly with someone you don’t like. I mean, beyond saying “hello” to a neighbor you don’t like. Otherwise, acting friendly, smiling to someone you dislike- it is inauthentic. So don’t. There is no virtue in that. Say “hello” or “good evening” at the most and go about your business.

If you’d like to put more detail in your question, I will further reply. Hope you post again.

anita